Ok I read Overcoming Infidelity again and there are 2 things I feel like I can't do: expose to his workplace and contact the OW. The workplace does not have any "rules" about what went on there. There are no repercussions for him talking to someone in her classroom or even for her coming into his and kissing him there. And with the OW, it's almost like it's too late for me to say "look you're coming btwn. me and my husband, back off", because he has made it VERY clear to me that he is choosing/has chosen her over me at this point in his life.

One of the most central reasons he claims we are "no longer right for each other" is because I have always tried to control things to the nth degree and I have been guilty of manipulating him. Of course the other side is that he ALLOWED me to control things and ALLOWED himself to be manipulated, so he enabled any of that behavior.

For this reason, I feel like since I've been communicating that "it's out of my hands" and practicing detachment from him, that if I now go to exposure to workplace and if I confront her, it will just look like I'm really not detaching from him but still trying to hold on. One thing I did do when this first began was to send the "letter" both communicated in person and by email, maybe not worded exactly the same as Penny's but pretty darn close. So he does know where I stand there.

So with all of this taken into account, am I essentially "done" with exposure and onto the protection phase?

I should also note that he became so enraged at me with the exposure to a few friends that he started to make threats about coming in to "clean the house out" when I was not here, and I checked with my lawyer and she said that since he has never threatened any kind of physical abuse, that no court would give me a court order to block his access. She also said "even if you change the locks, he can break the door down and there is nothing you can do about it." She just said to photograph everything in the house as a record in case anything ends up missing.


M45
Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11
Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy
"Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying