Re-Connecting

[Fightingforher]

We had our MC this morning... It was a rough session but things were said that needed to come out. She still isn't sure what she wants out of all this.

We went to breakfast and had a nice time. We got home and laid by the pool for a couple of hours and then had dinner with our son. We had a light R talk but I'm not bringing it up anymore.

We plan on watching a movie tonight together which we haven't done in awhile. I'm going to be the fun guy from now on because it's killing me when I mope... Fun Fun Fun

[Fightingforher]

We watched a movie lastnight and laughed and had a good time. We went upstairs to go to bed, she popped her head in and said good night!

This morning I got up for work and my son woke up really early. My W and him came into my room to lay in bed and watch tv while I got ready. As I was leaving W said good bye have a good day.

She has been a little nicer since our MC. Not sure if she is feeling guilty for all the things that were said but I won't overthink it.

I don't want to pursue her but I don't want to detach. I'm trying to find that happy medium. Still not sure what her motives are with our M. I just need to be patient I guess.

[DanF]

I am so happy for you FFH!!!!!! Hang in there and keep-up the good work.

I would give anything right now to have my wife come and lay with me. I am going to have to re-read your thread again to try to learn some more. You are the man!

[Fightingforher]

I worked yesterday got home and my in laws were at the house swimming. I jumped in the pool and played with my son. My W was a bit touchy feely for some reason. I didn't react to it but I was surprised.

We had dinner and put son to bed. She asked if we could watch another movie together. While getting things together I checked her phone and noticed the called OM first thing in the morning. Not sure how many texts I'm sure she deletes those.

At this point I don't even react anymore to OM calls. Our MC didn't seem to concerned that W was having EA. He said when your seperated it's appropriate to have R outside of the marriage, WHATEVER!!!!

Anyway, we watched the movie and I kept things fun.... We went up to bed and as I was laying there watching TV I got a text from W in next bedroom that said "the past couple of nights have been great, thank you"...

Still not sure what is going on with her but I don't over react to these anymore. Still a bit angry that OM is still in the picture, not sure how much more I can take.........

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Still not sure what is going on with her but I don't over react to these anymore. Still a bit angry that OM is still in the picture, not sure how much more I can take.........

It's not difficult to figure out, FFH. Like the overwhelming majority of infidelity cases, your wife is trying to keep both options open. Two plates spinning on her sticks.

You've indicated the continued contact with OM is a dealbreaker, right? What are you going to do?

btw, your marriage counselor should lose their license for MALPRACTICE!

Puppy

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Still not sure what is going on with her but I don't over react to these anymore.

No, you shouldn't OVER-react. But you do need to REACT.

Your marriage is continued to be threatened by an outside predator. You've made your boundaries known to your wife (not near as thoroughly or as forcefully as I would have wanted to see you do, but still, she CLEARLY knows this is not acceptable) in order for you to agree with her to try and work on the marriage, and yet she continues to violate your boundary.

If this is "whatever it takes," then she has a different definition than I do.

FFH, mark my words: if you don't enforce this boundary NOW, you will be cursing yourself for months and even years, as you continue to have these knots in your stomach. With a pyromaniac, it's not a question of "how much kerosene" you can allow them to have in the house, or "how many matches" you can abide.

You're playing with fire, in my opinion.

Puppy

[DanF]

Puppy is wise. I, on the other hand, am not.

I overreact even when I don't have any proof and you are seeig the calls on her phone. My W wipes out her phone every day and keeps it on her at all times.

I need to be more like you and not react, especially when I don't have proof. You need to be more like me and react to the facts.

Good luck buddy. We are all pulling for you!

[TimeHeals]

btw, your marriage counselor should lose their license for MALPRACTICE!

I agree. I'd even look into reporting your MC.

Let's recap:

1. One of the BIG reasonms your M is on the rocks is because your M is having an EA.

2. Your W is saying she wants to work on the M, but is still contacting OM, and MC is saying that's OK when that's a HUGE reason you are headed for divorce?

Sorry, I am not swallowing that BS. What is wrong with this person, and how did you choose this MC?

[Fightingforher]

The MC was reccomended through my IC. He said that when a couple seperates it's completely normal that R are started outside of the marriage. I don't know if I misunderstood him or what but he didn't seem concerned about her "friend".

She keeps telling me that she has always been able to communicate with men opposed to women. She has a couple girlfriends but apparently they don't listen like OM.

This is a dealbreaker and the MC suggested a seperation which now I'm seeing may be a good idea. I'm in a position to purchase the home, if she can't quit OM(friend)then I'll have to move forward without her.

[TimeHeals]

You should have stopped that pompous butt right there and told him like it is: This R didn't start on seperation. It began while we are married, and there is no way she is working on our M if she is involved emotionally with somebody else.


You should know that. How are malpractice complaint handles in this state?