Well I was going to say that just because we have different last names doesn't mean that we (baby and I) don't want him to be in our family. And I was going to say that she and I want his influence in our lives and that if he goes abroad-- or whatever choices he makes-- affects us.
So not exactly saying I want to be with him, but I guess that might come out.
I do think he'll be surprised. Especially after last night!
Does he often play the victim? I don't really think so. I think he likes to play the tragic beat poet. For example, last week we watched a documentary on Chet Baker. (I think that's his name.) He was a jazz trumpeter who couldn't stay put. A large part of the docu was his wife and kids talking about how unreliable he was and how they just wanted him to be there for some of their big events. But he wasn't and they still loved him.
WH fancies himself like Chet Baker at times.
I told him this back in January. I said he had a dream from when he was 12 of being a tragic beat, and he was holding on to it waaaay too long.
Anyways, I'm not sure if the convo will be Sat or Sun. We'll see. He made no commitments to come over this weekend at all.
Hey G. I like the way you are framing what you are going to say to him. Measured and un-pursuing-like. You're telling him he is important and yet not reigning him in. Well done you! Yeah Chet's his name. I get what you are saying. Now I have a clearer image of WH.
Hey, about the name thing, I still haven't named my bub, lol! Do you think it would make your sitch "easier" today if WH shared a surname with you and especially with the bub? You know why I am asking!!!!
Well, here's the thing about the last name in my sitch. It makes my WH feel really bad, I think. We haven't talked about it. But his grandpa (whom he loves) sent me a plaque with her first name and his last name instead of my maiden. (I hope that makes sense.) WH became sad after that because he knew he had disappointed his grandpa. But I am happy with that because I want him to be aware about what he has done/is doing.
If we get back together and he really wants her to have his last name in there somewhere, I'm fine with going in and paying to change the name. We're going to change SOMEBODY's name at least: either mine (if we don't divorce), hers (if he wants) or his (if he wants to join us)!
Oh, just got a text from MIL saying that WH wants to be with us all today. I wrote back that he is welcome. He feels bad about his drunkenness! It might be a good mood for our convo. We'll see.
I looked at Chet Baker's wikipedia page yesterday-- no mention of his family at all! Very interesting.
WH texted in the morning and asked how she slept. I said we both didn't sleep much! He said he was sorry and that he needed to stay over again to help. I said he was always welcome to stay.
Never heard from him again today.
So that's pretty douchey.
I'm not sure what to do about it. i was going to talk to him tonight, but now I'm glad I didn't say anything yet.
Don't know what to do about him. Be tough, stay nice or what. I'm just tired of his crap. First Friday night and now this? He's probably drunk.
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
what is up with your WH and his 'douchey-ness'! Yes, you hould say something to him! Let him know that this time in your life is about your D and not him and he needs to get his act together and be supportive as a father regardless of what he is feeling and going through!
Caught up with an old HS friend over FB and she is going through a D, i kind of think she is okay w/ it... said he H chose his mom over her? Strange, but anyway, she said he H was so jealous of her baby when he was born. And it caused a lot of arguments... sorry for the story telling, but your posts made me think your WH is almost acting out like a child, because this life situation is not about him? And he doesnt know how to react.
I do hope you say something, be yourself and be honest. Just be sure to do that thing where you dont point the finger and say You, You, You, and instead express your feelings... i felt upset that you didnt come by to help out, etc. it hurts me to see you drinking, i feel like you are trying to hide your pain, or whatever... but say how you feel. Your WH was showing good signs of at least wanting to be in your D's life and clearly enjoyed hanging out with you too watching movies etc. Who knows what triggered his sadness and distance and got to him...
Dont you just wish you could crawl in their ear, into their brains and see what they are thinking! and then of course changing their thoughts to miss us and love us and want to come back home
how are you with your WH staying over to help with the baby. I told WH that I didnt think it was a great idea today. I know he knows i can easily be persuaded, but i wanted to know your thoughts... Of course i want him to stay, this would be the only time I could probably show WH how our family life could be (he would be sleeping in the guest room, so not exactly how our family would be) but how are you handling it? Any suggestions???
Perhaps it might be helpful to be patient at this time, and get on best you can without having many expectations of him. As they say, it takes the WS a long time to get the way they are today, it will take them just as much time to come back if they are going to.
Don't put pressure on. I think it will backfire. Just do what you are doing, being positive and strong and hopefully WH will wake up in time.. otherwise you will be long gone!
BD- jealous of the baby, acting out like a child, I'd say YES! Thanks for reminding me of that.
And P, I thought of that. But it's really frustrating! I don't want him to think that I'll just take whatever he wants to give me. Well, I guess I will, but not for very long. If that makes sense.
BD, about him staying over. It's GREAT. Except I develop expectations and get mad when he hints around staying over and then disappears. So it's a mixed bag.
All right guys, I thought of step 2: a visitation plan. I guess I got so tired, I forgot about this!
So he texted me this morning to ask how she slept. EYEROLL. I haven't written back and I'm thinking of sending an email with a visitation proposal and then a line at the end saying that she slept fine. He needs to know that I was offended about yesterday's disappearance. Even though I won't go overboard and tell him off or anything.
K, we'll see how it goes! And maybe I'll put off that 'name and influence' convo until the time feels right. Ciao!
All right, I sent it. It was just straightforward, not necessarily friendly and not mean.
Little girl is wanting to be fed all the time right now. She's in the swing right now fussing. She needs to go to SLEEP! It's been a long time since she's slept. I've been feeding her every 1.25 hours for a while now and I think she just needs to sleep. It's really hard figuring out what they need. . .
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
