I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[awest1217]

However I think some people "hang on" for different reasons. In my case, I would have to file because H doesn't want to file, but he doesn't want to work on things either. He just wants to hang with OW all the time and see S and I once a month maybe twice...

I hang on because of S. I don't want S to have to go back and forth especially for the last 15 months he has never had to do that. I wanted to start the back and forth last summer, but H didn't want to do that really because he wanted to live his carefree, spontaneous bachelor lifestyle with a married OW who is still married, so no room for S.

It is so hard with a small child to let go of the rope completely because you have to talk to the WAS. You can't rely on your child to fill you in or give them a hug then send them in to their other parent. You have to fill the WAS in and let them know what is going on. If the WAS is trying to be an active parent, which seems rare, but does happen, then you have to talk to the WAS about your child. You never get to be "free". I think that is what is so hard; separating the parent from the love and R since you have to share your most precious possession with them, your child.

For me, since I have dropped the rope more and more, and finally completely let go almost a week ago, H has had no contact at all with me, not even to know about S. I don't think unless his parents do something, he will ever see S again. Maybe that is another fear, that letting go will hurt the R with the children. Who knows, but at some point we all have to detach enough that we can move on without having the nagging hope that he/she will change their minds.