The Wifey - a new perspective

[The Wifey]

I know I haven't been on here much of late. I thought after the events of the last couple of weeks I would let my friends (DB family) know some of what is going on.

The last couple of weeks I had a few doctor's appointments. Two of those appointments were with a psychologist for evaluation. The result is that I have been diagnosed with adult ADD. Not the ADHD hyperactive kind, but the inattentive kind.

I had no idea and have only begun self-education on the subject. As it turns out it is very commonly not diagnosed until a relationship or marriage is about to end because of the chaos it causes in a relationship. And, it is far more common in women than previously thought.

We - yes, my H and I both, are reading a book titled, "Is It You, Me, or Adult ADD? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficite Disorder" by Gina Pera. It is amazing to me how often my H or I have said, "Oh!" (Emphasis added.)

Reading this book, and a few others on the topic, is giving us both a new perspective. He is looking at me with a different lense. I am finding myself described nearly to a T. ADD is not an excuse, but for the first time it is an explanation.

Anyhow, I thought I would let everyone know. I would also ask anyone here to consider the possibility that they, or a spouse, or both of you, might just be ADD. So many of the effects on a relationship are dead on with the common descriptions of marriage problems.

Inattention. Forgeting discussions you have. Appearing uncaring, self-centered, in your own world, and selfish when the exact opposite is actually true. Not following through. Inconsistency in how you parent. Financial issues. Addictive behaviors. Getting on the computer and the next thing you know hours have passed and important things you meant to get done, didn't. I could go on, but you get the picture. No one has all of the hallmarks.

For now I am good. My H is still learning and, I think, trying to adjust to the idea that some of my actions that upset or hurt him were unconscious. He told me he wouldn't be here if he didn't love me. Its still one day at a time, but he is reaching out for me more than he has in so long. It feels good and I am hopeful.