Wow – what a disappointing weekend, but guessed I learned a lot and know now where my W is with things…my birthday weekend night away (in which the W had said was our next opportunity to ML about 3 weeks ago) turned out to be a bit of a debacle.
Had a great time when we got there Saturday night – because the hotel had known it was a bday celebration, they upgraded us to a suite and had a bottle of wine chilled for us in the room…we had a nice dinner at an Italian restaurant and ended up going back to the room and watching a movie on HBO (she was tired from working all day)…ended up drinking the whole bottle of wine myself, which was a mistake (don’t usually drink much and didn’t sleep well + a hangover the next day)…
Next morning, had a nice breakfast downstairs and (in my mind) would be time for ML when we got back up to the room, and said this to her that morning, in which point she said she didn’t remember the conversation and “you should be intuitive and know I’m tired, stressed out, etc.”…feel in a way the end of the trip was ruined with this hanging over us (and of course now know I should have brought this up on the way up to be sure we were still on the same page).
On the drive back, got into the discussion and she said her feelings just haven’t come back for me (and that she has no “timetable” but that I need to be patient) – told her the hardest thing for me is knowing that she had desire for someone else but doesn’t have it for me. Also asked her what will help get that desire back and she didn’t know (but said she knows me “hijacking” her (directly saying we should “fool around”, etc.) doesn’t work).
Really made me feel like maybe I’m the one who needs to break this thing off, as I don’t want to live the rest of my life with someone with no desire for me, who might occasionally give me “mercy sex” (and have definitely told her that in the long-term, I can’t be in a sex-less, love-less M).
Told her last night in bed that I was feeling very depressed about all of this and she tried to “cheer me up” but damn, am still feeling very down about this. We have a trip to Hawaii in a week that of course I was thinking was our chance to “rekindle” things and now feel like I need to seriously downgrade those expectations (and she said we should take the pressure off and not “push” anything while we’re there).
I know this is a marathon, not a sprint, but am feeling really discouraged about ever getting my M back to where I’d like it to be…I know you can’t just turn back on desire, but really struggling with where to go from here.
DBers, need some help on this stich today!….thanks for listening.
NLG
PS: also know she’s been in contact (via FB) with her ex-husband now and this I think is also factoring into my feelings about things – she told me about some of their conversations (about how he regrets the end of their M, took a long time to get over her, etc.) and have now learned he’s in the middle of a divorce, so feeling like this could be a potential OM #2 situation…
