So, now that I really have anything that will make much difference saved to jump drive and hidden away, I deleted my little intel program, and from this point forward I'm only worrying about me and DD, and only considering H when I have to for money or visitation issues. Continuing to read these things night after night will only serve to keep me attached and keep me from GAL and healing in time.
I agree. I admire your courage and strength in doing what you've had to do up until this point, Elvencat. Not everyone can, but I think you are better-armed than if you hadn't, and at least you know that YOU are not the CRAZY one!!
EC you are finally alive.. great to see the 2 x 4's have finally connected... It's been a long battle but I think you are finally there!
Have you shown MIL what your H has been saying about you behind your back? I am wondering what it would take to shock her into giving him the boot...
Don't take what he writes to OW too seriously.. he's lying to her too remember.. SHE is being manipulated as much as you...
Don't feel sorry for her, she's part of the lie as well.. Just showing you that these two are NOT on a solid footing and the affair won't last long term... No honour among thieves my dear.. there truly is no honour among thieves...
I checked the file EC and it works ok for me, I would need others to confirm, I think Sunny picked it up ok...
The Geurilla DB video there IS on youtube, but part of it is missing.. I have the full video.. I will try to get it on a dedicated server for you someplace.. you seem to have trouble getting to my pc.. others have picked it up ok...
And remember, he's NOT going to like you leaving.. he IS going to blast you...
SHUT HIM OUT... You WILL be tempted to blast him back..
DON'T...
He's going to blast you to try and get that attachment back... Don't give it to him.. He will try to contact you... don't let him in.. and I TRUST he does NOT have a key to the place you are going... he can't have a key ok?
I had a crying jag last night for a while after it hit me that I'm really doing this, but it was a 'good' cry. Realizing I'm doing this not for what was, but for what is and what will eventually be and that the only one who's life I can have a great amount of control over is mine.
Puppy, I am so amazed you admire me, for a long time I've been reading your's and Allen's posts and wishing I could 'get it' and I think I'm finally there.
4MYRS - thanks for the good thoughts, I am happy knowing that I have so many people thinking about me now, when I first started this horrible journey I felt so alone.
Allen, I have no clue why my screwed up computer will let me see the file and then not download it. lol. Gotta love it. Thanks for taking effort to try to get it to me.
I have shown MIL some of things being said - especially how H told OW FIL thought I was immature and never did like me. If that's true, I doubt we'd have gotten along as well as we have. MIL was SHOCKED. I think it hit her that H was really doing these things.. and with HER computer (his is broken, that's how I was so easily able to get the intel). She had no clue he was interacting so nicely all night, every night, with us in person while chatting about stuff like that. I know he has schizophrenia, but didn't want to suspect multiple personality. ICK
As far as the other house, I have a key and MIL/FIL have a shared key. MIL knows my wishes about him not just showing up, and she, and FIL, know not to give H a key to get in. At this point, I'm even going to be ignoring his calls and sending them to voice mail. He wants me gone so badly, he has no reason to call me.
BTW - anyone know if screenshots taken without H's knowledge can be used in divorce proceedings legally, especially since he was using MIL's computer and she knew the capture program was there? I would love to be able to prove to the judge that H is acting like an addict, and if he can be removed from the addiction, he may come around, thereby prolonging the divorce proceedings..... And trust me, the chat logs have addict written all over them, it was so scary, he sounded like a guy begging for the next hit. I'm planning on showing them to a lawyer, but just thought I'd ask if anyone here knew.
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
That was me just talking big, Allen. I meant down the road ... I'm not at that place yet. Just meant I may not be able to take several years of this and am afraid I'll give up. BUT... one day at a time! That's all I'm trying to accomplish at this point. Thanks for the link.
Honestly, I've known things were wrong in our marriage for nearly two years, and thought things were a bit 'off' for at least a couple years before that... I just never expected to have it get this far. I thought (naively) we could, together, work out whatever got in our way, but bad communication just generates more of the same.. as the computer adage goes: Garbage In = Garbage Out
I hope that by doing what I'm doing now, not only will I get my life back on track, but that my H will stop the cycle, reboot, and re-install.... (gee, look at me carrying on with the computer reference. )
Anyway, Sunny, you'll be surprised what you can endure when you didn't think you could, and what you have already endured without realizing it. I'm just coming to learn that.
I'm sure you're right EC! I know one thing, I am trying my hardest to not be a doormat. I feel I cave at times, but I don't think that gets us anywhere. I LIKE your new attitude... it's truly what you have to do: plan and live your life without worrying about H. I KNOW how sickening it must be to read those words to OW over and over. Now that you are moving out and moving on, no use doing that to yourself anymore. You've got enough proof.
EC just capture what you can... your H is going to therapy now and is diagnosed with Sch. so it won't be hard to get some leverage...
It is VERY HARD to prove to a court that your H has an addiction to a romantic fantasy... that's new ground on the family therapy front... hollywood has been celebrating infidelity for decades and most novels and other media just paint infidleity as a tragic romance not an addiction.. teh addiction thing is NEW ground...
But your H is already diagnosed with problems so you likely won't need to go that route...
Multiple personalities? DId you READ shirley glass' "Not Just Friends?"
She has a section int here called "Leading the Double Life"
You can't have a secret sexual affair with someone and NOT live two lives...
Keep showing MIL texts from him.. If you want to hold out for another week while planning then keep collecting info and showing it to MIL... if its waking HER up and his SISTER up to how ILL he is right now that's all the better...
You need their support, not just passive nods in the corner when he isnt' home and then they HIDE from him like he's some BULLY...
DOn't let him bully you or his family.. expose to his family those texts and collect more if you think its waking them up ...
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