Allen, I have struggled with this for a year now. I do not trust my H with my S. His verbal assaults carry on to S as well. And when the DB coach said to make the most of family time, it pulled my heart strings which were telling me to have as much family time as possible anyhow so S doesn't see two parents who can't stand to talk to one another or be in the same room together.
For these reasons, and the fact that S spends the night only once per week at dad's, I end up having at least two nights a week where we are all together from dinner until bed. H refuses to spend time with S on weekends, which is fine by me, but I do not know why he insists on staying over night here to be with S the two nights per week he doesn't have S at his place. I have asked him to stay until S is in bed and then leave, I have asked him to spend more of his time with S on weekends so as not to disrupt S's weekday routine. For some reason he stays over here. (I sleep on the couch).
I have gone through phases that once S is in bed, I retreat to my room and ignore H. At other times, esp. after the DB coach's advice, I spent time trying to hang out with H in the living room talking, having tea, watching tv, etc.
My main concern with cutting H out of my life completely is 1) the effect that will have on my little boy and 2) concern that this idicates to my H that I have given up on my M and am totally fine with him living his single life with OW and 3) I don't want him to press to take S to his apt. more nights per week as S is already showing distress at going there once per week.
Like I said, I need a plan, because playing nice, making dinners, having family outings and evening games has led to more emotional abuse towards me and our S. If separating is supposed to be a solution to the tension and pain, I don[t understand why H makes it worse when he is here than it ever was before he left.
PS are you saying that what you advocate on this board DID help your sitch?
