Does DB'ing work if OW is playing the victim?!?!

[Deep]

Xin, I suggest you take a couple of steps back, think about what it is that you want, and also what DB means to you, and what you may try to get out of it all.

It's quite pointless "changing tack" because DBing didn't seem to be working on your H and / or not making him feel any guilt. DBing is precisely working on yourself as Ruined so nicely pointed out. It's not about instilling guilt or anything else for that matter into your H - it's more about moving beyond what your H may or may not feel and taking control and responsibility for your own life back.

While I would not presume to speak for Newmama, DB is a lifelong process regardless of how your current sitch turns out. You shouldn't be Dbing just because of your view on marriage, but because you should love yourself. It's about saving YOU, and then giving you a better chance of salvaging a healthy M - not a tactic to save your M within a limited timeframe.

Basing your decision to "DB" or not on your H's response is itself an oxymoron in DB terms. I hope I'm making sense ...