Yesterday's post regarding today's anniversary sounded sad, now that I reread it. It wasn't. I wasn't. Just a bit wistful. Actually, no, not wistful: just pensive without the sadness.
Gardener's would-have-been 18th wedding anniversary today was a wonderful day!
Was going to head north to the mountains, hiking, but wasn't really in the mood for that.
As I posted to Mrs. A a few days ago, when I'm feeling particularly pensive, I need the ocean. So down I went to Southern Long Island to Robert Moses State Park next to the Fire Island National Seashore Preserve to soak up the Atlantic. Left at about 12:30 which meant no traffic.
Sometimes there's nothing like immersing all my senses in the expanse of ocean, sand, sky and horizon. The sounds, sights, smells, the feel of heat, sun, sand and cold ocean on the skin. Even the occasional, accidental taste of the salt water. And all at an uncrowded beach.
I relaxed. Deeply. Meditated for well over an hour. Then walked about 3 miles to the deserted, no-swimming, natural, dunes part of the shore and sat inches from the water for about an hour. No one in sight at all. Wonderful.
And this may sound weird but then I let her have it. Out loud. Loud out load. My shouted words swallowed up by the roaring surf as I blasted her for every broken promise, commitment and, vow, for leading me on for months, for conspiring with the MC against me, for deceit, deception, taking advantage of my pain and good nature for her own gain, for vile, false allegations, for turning my stepchildren from me and on and on.. For. Every. Thing.
I had thought I finally reached the anger stage a couple of months back but this, this outpouring was visceral and cathartic.
Then I drove over to another nearby beach, Jones Beach State Park (N.Y.'s Riviera) where it is populated, crowded, miles of boardwalk, couple of restaurants, etc. Had myself one fine dinner.
And...I'm okay alone. I'm okay living alone. I'm okay with being single. I'm okay.
Early on, I couldn't even imagine myself saying those words again someday.
Got home at 11:00.
Great day. Just a a great day. Tomorrow's 19th anniversary of our first meeting will be a good day, too.
Last edited by Gardener; 06/28/1004:07 AM.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
