That's the thing eh ... everytime I look at my boys I see their daddy ... especially the middle guy.
They just might be the best part of us :o)
PEI
Our children are the best part of our marriages. They take on our best qualities and unfortunately our worst ones also. The worst ones come back to haunt them/us later in life.
Makes you wonder if we are all on this journey of making ourselves better individuals, will we break the generational cycle with our kids.
Read a book last year on Codependency in Relationships, "Love is a Choice". Stated that many of our problems have been ingrained in our family trees for generations and that it will continue unless the cycle is broken.
I do enjoy seeing the best qualities of my W in my D13.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
They take on our best qualities and unfortunately our worst ones also.
My D's are the absolute best and worst of my H and me.
I can tell you that I parent differently now than I did before he left. If it's better or not, only time will tell. I can tell you it is more real and I can see the difference in the way they handle themselves and any problems they encounter.
I started this journey several months ago when I did what we all do ... I typed "save my marriage" into a search engine and found DB. My life changed.
I started in "New Comers" and used my time over there to read MWD's books and wrap my head around doing 180s, Acting As If and GALing.
I read and I read and I read.
I stood for my husband, I stood for my marriage.
Then I made the jump over here and my life changed again.
Slowly. Painfully. I started to REALLY look at who I am, who I want to be, what I want, where I come from, where I'm going ...
I finally gave myself up to the process. I've fought demons and monsters and I've lost many battles, and I have many more to fight. But I'm winning the war.
I am now free. Free to choose the life I want. Free to make mistakes. Free to grow and learn and live. Free to own my successes and my failures. Free to love unconditionally and be loved in return. Free to be ME, whoever that turns out to be.
I now STAND for ME.
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I started this journey several months ago when I did what we all do ... I typed "save my marriage" into a search engine and found DB. My life changed.
I started in "New Comers" and used my time over there to read MWD's books and wrap my head around doing 180s, Acting As If and GALing.
I read and I read and I read.
I stood for my husband, I stood for my marriage.
Then I made the jump over here and my life changed again.
Slowly. Painfully. I started to REALLY look at who I am, who I want to be, what I want, where I come from, where I'm going ...
I finally gave myself up to the process. I've fought demons and monsters and I've lost many battles, and I have many more to fight. But I'm winning the war.
I am now free. Free to choose the life I want. Free to make mistakes. Free to grow and learn and live. Free to own my successes and my failures. Free to love unconditionally and be loved in return. Free to be ME, whoever that turns out to be.
Now that's all well and good ... but what does it translate into for my day to day life you might ask ...
On July 15th when we go to the MC she is going to ask how we want to proceed forward as our current arrangement was end dated for July 31st. I want H to go first. He can only respond in one of 4 ways so I am preparing for each.
1. H may want to continue as is for 3 more mos. 2. H may want to continue the living arrangments but remove the no dating etc stuff. 3. H may be ready to leave and get his own place. 4. H may be ready to work on the marriage.
Regardless of his choice, I am prepared to tell H that I am moving back into the house full time on August 1st. I am becoming resentful of not having any time in my own home and, although this time has been beneficial for the kids to make the transition, it's now time to regularize our arrangements. Regardless of which option he wants, I need him to go. I expect H will be angry, he may feel like he's not financially in a position to get set up yet - that's his issue/problem to deal with - time to put on the "big boy pants" and go get what he wanted ... independance. I will not push him out on August 1st when I move back in, he can continue to use the spare room or stay at his sisters until Sept 1st, but the kids need to be settled by the time school resumes in the fall.
I will not settle for anything less than a partner, I'm no longer interested in some sort of parent/child dynamic. That marriage is dead.
I am so excited about this summer. I have booked 6 weeks of vacation to spend with my kids playing and enjoying each others company ... lots of beach time!
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
