At first I saw all the married couples that appeared to be happy. Then I looked closer. Some were closer to the brink than I would have liked for them. Some will tough it out, some not.
We never really know what's going on in someone else's mind, let alone home. I remember pretending things weren't as bad as they seemed and being paniced to make a positive change before it was too late. C'est la vie.
You are seeing yourself as worth less right now. You aren't. With all your flaws and imperfections you are capable of and worthy of love. You have to believe. And, it takes time.
Right now you want to make ammends and fix things. Everything isn't your fault.
There may be things you need to own and changes you want to make. Do that, but do it for yourself. I'm sure you have already apologized for everything under the sun and then some. Let it go as far as having that convo with him.
I have written more than a few "Dobson letters" to H. Some have been angry and some not. One of the most powerful for me was the one where I forgave him for leaving me. Another really powerful letter was oneI wrote to myself, forgiving me for his leaving.
I don't know what might work for you. There are different things I used along the way. I still meditate for example. As soon as I am able, I will be walking and hiking again. Right now I am limited to some exercises with weights <sigh>.
If it's a whiny day, that's ok. I have cheese and that goes great with whine
