Boy today has just been a roller coaster of emotion and I have no idea why. Thank God no one is home right now and I can let it out.
Anyone have any suggestions what to do or how to control that rise of emotion? I see that as my only problem to DB right now. My FEELINGS are screaming for me to do one thing, only when I know I need to do another. It is so draining to constantly have to fight like that.
QS, I used to have days like that during my sitch. I was "burying" stuff, emotionally, so much each day to get myself into "game face mode," that I'd find it just suddenly bursting out about once every two to three weeks or so. My advice to you would be twofold:
1) Let it out, but NOT where your wife can see it (and don't let her know you did it);
2) Don't make any major decisions on days like this.
It's OK to have these feelings; just don't ACT on them.
The reason your wife is likley telling everyone so eagerly is that she likley has doubts and is trying to convince hersellf by taking to others... as long as the other DON'T nod cheer her on, that's fine... its her tantrum is all... Let her throw it.. As long as most of yoru family and friends give YOU credit and don't buy her act then she's only embarassing herself...
Oh everyone buys it. She takes concrete steps every single day. Cancels this, switches that. Wants to see the bills to photocopy.
She is so methodical and meticulous about all this. She writes lists, and checks things off every day. She is starting to gather important things of hers and separate some more of her stuff.
I don't think they cheer her on, but they don't want to see her in pain.
Like I said, she is waiting for me to go ballistic when I get served. My 180 HAS to be to act like NOTHING happened that day, and just play nice.
If this is an act, then she is an Oscar-worthy actress and is playing a very, very strong game of chicken to see who blinks first.
Thing is, her parents have even told me how determined she is to see this through.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Other than missing my "best friend-ship," the disapproval of my adult daughters and my wife's parents were the single biggest factor in my wife deciding to end her affair and wanting to reconcile our marriage.
Asking those who will be supportive of the marriage, to exert influence on the cheating spouse, is a basic staple of most of the best infidelity research, Stuck.
Well I will see her parents today for a long time at the family gathering.
I don't want to push the issue at all, but I will see where I can lead the conversation.
I just need to focus on doing my 180s. I need ALL the strength I can get. She is definitely in defensive mode today, and she is so short and snippy.
She told me yesterday she wants NO INTERACTION at all with me.
She has not given one single solitary inch. I helped out all morning with making stuff and preparing, and didn't get a single word otherwise. I just was my happy self.
But I am afraid she is sooooo stubborn that no matter how long I am happy and doing 180s, that her resolve will only get stronger and stronger. The more and longer I have been DB, the higher and higher her tension rises. I went out on a few errands without her asking for what she needed, and when I got home she looked like she was so angry she was almost in tears. Either that or she doesn't want me going today and she is furious with me for coming. I am actually worried that when I am happy and helping at the gathering (my 180), my wife just may explode in front of everyone.
This is a woman who won't forgive her sister for doing something to her in high school 16 years ago. I mean she still has palpable anger and huge resentment over that, almost to the point of tears when she brings it up.
When I let the rope go, she then usually takes it and whips me with it. When I am doing my DB and 180s, it usually has the opposite effect. I think there is so much anger in there that only God himself could DB it. I don't know. We will see after today.
Please, I need all of your prayers and hope. I need the strength to get through this day, and just ignore her sheer coldness and anger.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
We went for a swim in the pool, and played with a beach ball. I got some smiles out of her. I also helped out with everything, and basically did what I said I was going to.
She expected me to be a disaster, and instead I was a complete angel. Haha.
I talked with her mom, and she said that she absolutely doesn't want this divorce to happen. I told her mom how much influence she has over my wife, and she said she would do what she could.
On the car ride home, my wife and I talked civilly the whole time. We also had a very civil morning today. However, there are also times when she treated me like nothing. And she tends not to look at me when she talks. She actually tries very hard to look somewhere else or at the TV when she does.
Her parents stopped by the house today and were amazed at the work I have put into it. But they both saw how she treats me normally. They both REALLY hope that she changes her mind.
I am just wondering where to go from here. Next weekend is the 4th of July, and I know she has no plans. I just offhandedly asked her about it, and wanted to see if she would catch some fireworks with me. But she said "Oh, no thanks".
I want to keep the positive changes going in her, and to break the cycle of hopelessness. I still haven't been served yet, and I know I have to act like nothing happened as a 180. But as far as her and I go, she will be away all week, and I am wondering if we should talk at all. Our family counselor said we should, just some short calls to be civil to each other and talk a bit. Any other ideas or suggestions?
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
