she has the other place ready, ask her to leave, seriously she won't know what she has in you until you're gone and YOU need to be the one that makes that decision instead of allowing all of this to be her decision.
Is this really the person you want to live with and be with?
Someone who flakes out every other hour/every other day and then totally forgets about what they've done?
She smashed personal property, ripped pictures, totally rejects you regularly, makes you jump through hoops to prove yourself and you continue to kiss her ass during this entire process.
I get it, you want to stand up for your marriage, you want to prove your honor and integrity in this process, show you've changed, etc.
But seriously, all you're showing is that you're a punching bag, whenever she gets angry, goes batshitcrazy, you'll be there to clean up the mess, take the hit and brush it off like nothing happened and nobody is that selfless, these things did happen and they'll continue to happen until you stand up for yourself and admit to yourself that this kind of treatment is not good enough, you're settling for crap behavior and a woman can't love a man she can't respect and your wife doesn't respect you at all and the proof of this is in all of these childish, disrespectful, hurtful actions she commits against you to hurt you because she knows you love her and will do anything to not lose her - that last part she knows, you will do anything not to lose her and guess what, she can't respect that, no one could. And because she can't respect you, she definitely can't love you and she'll definitely continue to treat you poorly, feed you this crap behavior and you'll continue to eat it until you realize it tastes like crap.
Give her the WAS speech.
I know for you it will be the hardest thing to do because its counter intuitive, you don't want to lose her yet holding on to her the way you do is not working, that's the reality of your situation and you're efforts aren't working, if anything she's getting worse, not better.
Tell her you've had enough, her behavior before/during the party, smashing property, ripping pictures, all these attempts to hurt you, you've had enough of all of it. You tried your best showing her that you can be loving, caring, attentive, you took her poor actions and abuse and kept showing her that you will love her despite her crap behavior and it isn't working for you anymore, if she is really that unhappy with you, if she really doesn't love you anymore, if this is the kind of life you can expect to have with someone who doesn't want to commit 110% wholeheartedly to rebuilding your marriage and relationship into something different and better then this isn't what you want because what you want matters as well, it isn't all about her, if a relationship isn't mutually beneficial and the people involved aren't going to do what's right to make it better then it's time to call "GAME OVER" and let her go so that you can move on with your life. She has her own place, tell her that you will offer to help her pack and move her stuff and you will get a lawyer and proceed with filing for divorce.
Either that or prepare for this to continue happening until she's ready to call "GAME OVER".
You didn't wake up until she dropped the bomb to begin with, that's when fear of loss and crisis prompted you to action, maybe it's time you gave her the same thing. In fact, I'll go as far to say that until you do this, nothing in your situation will change. Let her go and mean it, if you want her to come back with the right attitude.
