Tell her you've had enough, her behavior before/during the party, smashing property, ripping pictures, all these attempts to hurt you, you've had enough of all of it. You tried your best showing her that you can be loving, caring, attentive, you took her poor actions and abuse and kept showing her that you will love her despite her crap behavior and it isn't working for you anymore, if she is really that unhappy with you, if she really doesn't love you anymore, if this is the kind of life you can expect to have with someone who doesn't want to commit 110% wholeheartedly to rebuilding your marriage and relationship into something different and better then this isn't what you want because what you want matters as well, it isn't all about her, if a relationship isn't mutually beneficial and the people involved aren't going to do what's right to make it better then it's time to call "GAME OVER" and let her go so that you can move on with your life. She has her own place, tell her that you will offer to help her pack and move her stuff and you will get a lawyer and proceed with filing for divorce.
Either that or prepare for this to continue happening until she's ready to call "GAME OVER".
You didn't wake up until she dropped the bomb to begin with, that's when fear of loss and crisis prompted you to action, maybe it's time you gave her the same thing. In fact, I'll go as far to say that until you do this, nothing in your situation will change. Let her go and mean it, if you want her to come back with the right attitude.
Quoted because it deserved repeating and so you can read it again.
