Still Moving Forward

[BeingMe]

Dear BM, yes the last five years have been tough, I am sorry I dragged you out here, the intention was to start over, and I did try but obviously not hard or long enough. I don’t blame you for wanting to call it quits and it is probably time.

I have been struggling with a lot of stuff, most or all of it you know about. There was/is your illness, us of course, then D23 and S23 to a much lesser degree and I am also facing losing my parents which is affecting me more than I ever
thought that it would. I am having a very negative effect on myself, so understand that it is not good for you at all either. I have tried pulling myself out of it but have not been successful. I tried going to a counsellor again but as usual it was not much help.

So anyway, yes it is time to call it quits. I would say let’s just sell the house and square everything up and you take what is left to buy another smaller place before making it official, but I think now may not be a good time to sell, although it looks like a good time to buy. I guess we will have to continue to stay in the house for a while. I will try to get all the stuff finished so that we can get it sold sometime in the fairly near future, if the market changes.

Yes I want to continue to be the best friends possible and yes I want to be as fair as possible financially, and absolutely I want to continue to support you as best I can with your illness.

This is the email I received from my H. I was unaware of most of his issues, at least, the depth of it. I did not even know he had seen a C. He shares nothing of his feelings, never had, and probably never will. As he said, it is time to call it quits. He is a man caught in the headlights of a oncoming train, and cannot move one way or another. That's how it feels anyway. I still think there is more going on, but I don't care anymore.

Thanks for the replies. Hmama, yes I am somewhat fearful about the MRI results. I am trying not to be.