The saga continues

[OfficerInNeed]

Yesterday was the big day and what a NIGHTMARE it was!

I took this as the opportunity to reconnect with W and create good memories.

For the most part things went well for the past three weeks. We had our moments where W would be cold and short with me but we kept moving forward.

We were both very stressed because we had so much to do and did not think we would have the house ready in time. The heat and the combination of all else going on must had got to us.

Yesterday, I stayed up after returning home from a 12 hour work shift to finish painting and get things ready. W came home form work early and we got to work.

At one point W and I had to go next door and bring over some tables we were borrowing. While there W decided to pick up the phone. If you been following the sitch you may recall over a month ago I used this phone to call OM/OMW and it made W very upset. W went into the phone and seen the same number and got VERY UPSET and after all hell broke loss.

W thought I had dialed the number again but she was mistaken. She is looking at the same log as she had over a month that we had already discussed. So now I am being blamed for something I already took the blame for.

W then started to bring up the whole OM/OMW situation. I told W that I do no communicate with either of them, W doe snot believe me she thinks I am still talking to OMW (I am not). I started to call W out on some things that she denied but I gave her the facts and not my resources, W still denied.

W then threatened to cancel the party, I told her "If that's what you want to do" W pretended to txt her father (she did this a few times actually) W would pretend to txt FIL then go back to cleaning so I would say "Don't worry about the mess I will get to it in a little bit" but she would carry on cleaning.

W started to play word games "That is why I always asked what do YOU want" when we are deciding on things because when she leaves I can't say "but I thought we were improving our home together" This is also foolishness because W picked out and purchased many things for the home without my opinion.

I called W out on the way she spoke to me and this facade she is putting on for her family. W then claimed her family already knew she was leaving me and that they are just being respectful. I told W that I cannot see her family carry on pretending as if things are good like that and called her out on it.

W then tried to proof her point by throwing and shattering a vase we were given as a gift for our wedding day that was signed by all our guest. We just baked it a few days ago so we could preserve the signature. She took it even further and went out to our living room and took a picture of us off our shelf and ripped it into pieces. W then started to dig into the past 10 years and everything I have ever done wrong to her.

I admit in the heat of the moment I lashed back, but always with the mindset of I am working on this marriage and will continue to do so with or without her help.

I cannot recall everything we said and maybe I should had just stopped and walked away. I almost left the house a few times but I knew she did not cancel the party and there was still work to do and so I finished the work.

W said things like "too little too late" , "go make someone else happy" , "Life is unfair and you'll learn that soon" , "your just wasting your time, this marriage is nothing" you name it she said it.

Some how it turned into a brief R talk.

Things settled down we got back to work, I was very upset with the broken items. As we were cleaning W tells me "My family does not know but my dad knows EVERYTHING, I just asked him out of respect don't tell the family" then W went on to quote that FIL said "It's you decision just remember when you wake up beside that person 30 years from now and you look back will you be happy" or something clever along those lines. W and I had got into it about FIL giving advice based on her divorce experience.

Just before the party started we got into an exchange again and I told W "I will NOT be a doormat for you to walk all over" W just responded as typical "OH your right, I am the one who always does wrong, just like in the past 10 years so today is no different"


Things settled down again, people started to show up, W throw wedding ring on and the show began. W is now all smiles. We got many great comments on how beautiful our home is ect...FIL brought US a house warming gift which I found very odd seeing that W is leaving the house. FIL also made the comment "I have to come back over and redo that wall for you guys, I did a terrible job patching that up"

Rest of the night went well but stupid me upset about earlier made some dump comments to W such as "OK people are showing up, do I pretend we are married or divorced."

There were a few times where I tried to be husband like and W got upset or felt uncomfortable and I said "I am still your husband" and W replied "Yes your my husband but that is just a title right now"

I said and did somethings that go against the DB approach. W was telling me how validating her feeling are annoying to her.

I started to lay things out there. Things that might be considered pursuit but its is what she knows and understands. I also told her that we should sit down and have a talk, W said we can but not right now.

Also somewhere in there I said "I married you for better or for worse not until someone better comes along" I also said (probably pursuing) "For 10 years you say I treated you terribly and we made it this far" W said "Yes, that was a mistake and I thought you would change, waste of my fathers money" I replied "We were married 4 months when you decided you had enough and told me you were leaving because things remained the same and then change occurred" W just said "too little too late"

Last night and this morning we had better interactions. I know DB is about what works and GAL. What do you do when you feel like some pursuit actually works? I thought what I was doing was working but W called me out on some of it and called it annoying.

I need to rethink my approach and determine how I shall proceed. I still want to save this marriage.