things are starting to come to a head with H. his family members are freaking out b/c D-day is coming close and he's not budging. i know family makes things worse but at this point, i can't control anyone. SIL spoke to him yesterday and was shocked since this was the first time she really talked to him. he just wouldn't budge...said his mind was set. everyone is clueless as to why he is behaving like this (giving no "good" reason for D), and really i don't blame them. i'm still trying to grapple with everything 1 year later.
so, i go back and forth. my panic has subsided but i still can't believe it. there is a part of me that is ready to move on...willing to trust that God has got good things in store. then there's the other side that is worried about H. sad to see the self-destruction. and of course worried for me and my well-being too.
and while i'm so ready for all the pain to be over...i'm really just in the beginning. if we get the D, then there will be all the fall out of that. and if we don't get D, it's not like H is all warm and fuzzy.
just talking out loud....sorry if it came out all garbled...
