Transparency (and no-contact) isn't something that's "brought up," it's something that's insisted upon. It is a BOUNDARY. Without stated consequences, and then following thru, it becomes more like a "GeeIwishyouwould" than a real boundary, as you are learning.
Boundaries are for the BETRAYED SPOUSE, so that YOU can feel safe again in the marriage. Unfortunately, these short lists of boundaries and "dealbreakers" can only really be communicated at the MAXIMUM LEVERAGE POINT -- that point at which your formerly cheating spouse is begging you to take him back. Once you agree to take him back WITHOUT these things, or with these things only casually mentioned (but not insisted upon), you're kinda stuck with what you got.
There's really only three viable reasons for his secrecy, and his reluctance to offer you transparency: either he's still in contact with OW, or he WANTS to be ABLE to be, or he's trolling for OW2 among this group of young people.
