New intel and my self-confidence is slowly seeping away.. please help keep me positive somebody:
1. H and OW commiserate.... constantly..on how f'd up I am, how insane, crazy...etc... and how THEIR love can survive ANYTHING. It's like they are acting like I've suddenly declared the earth is square and noone will talk me out of it.
2. H comments to OW how FIL thinks I'm immature and has never liked me.
3. I DID find out H's Sis told him she'd have done the same thing in my place.. woohooo! vote one for me.
4. OW tells H a very skewed version of the convo I had with OWM.. and makes the comment that she's never seen her mom roll her eyes so many times in one convo.. apparently she saw mom on phone, but wasn't privy to convo.
5. H and OW are in midst of pregnancy scare, but test says no baby on way.
6. OW tries to convince H to move in once divorce is filed. H says not a good idea.. OW says, you mentioned it once, H says oh, well, I don't think it'd be good until divorce is final.
7. H tells OW lies about how he's told me he's in love with her and so on and so forth. UH, NO!
8. OW tries to convince H to move into rental since I'm not there... H says he's considering it. (NOTE: I'm not there yet cause it's not clean enough for DD to spend the night.) H tries to tell OW that the only reason I haven't moved in is because of ONE bathroom that needs cleaning. Yeah, right. Try the whole house.
9. H feels only OW and OWSister are for him and his only true IRL friends... GAG
10. H can't believe I told him my conditions for not contesting divorce are marital counseling and no affair.
11. Did I say how every other line was I Love You Baby! ?
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
I just realized that over everything that was said between OW and H.. they never talked about how DD would fit in with their plans. They mentioned OW's two autistic kids, but NEVER did they talk about what they'd do when H and I divorced and he and I either shared custody or he had visitation.
I don't know what this signifies, or how to use it to my advantage. Any ideas on this one?
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
EC: Sounds like a rough night! Just remember - the rollercoaster goes up and down...down can't last forever! Stay strong and know that nothing is ever over until it's over. I might have shared this but I think it was on another thread: My first H had an affair and after we divorced and he was living with her, then he wanted to reconcile with me. We went out a few times (I guess I was then the OW, lol) and he begged me...he'd do anything.... but at that point, I couldn't do it. I was the one that said no and walked away. He wanted to move back in with me right away and agreed to full transparency and counseling and everything - but I was done. Of course, we had no kids so that made it easier for me to make that decision.
Good Morning Sunny, I read that on your thread. At this point my skin is crawling thinking about how much disrespect he's showing me in these convos with OW and how much he acts like I'm the crazy one for acting the way I am. I know I am being vilified in an effort to make it easier to break away, but knowing mentally and understanding emotionally are two different things.
I'm tempted to tell my H that I no longer wish to speak to him in person and if he has anything to tell me, he can email it because then I'd have a record of his interactions with me.
It also bugs the crap out of me that OW said OWM was worried about H taking care of OW's two autistic kids, but never once in the night long convo did they talk about DD. I know H has thought all along I'd have full custody... but I tried to tell him that would hurt DD more than anything to not see her daddy so much. I guess he still doesn't believe that I'd let him see her very often for them to not even discuss it.
H told OW "I can't believe how many f'ing people agree with how she's acting!" Gee... shouldn't it tell you something that everyone we both know hates what you're doing, yet everyone who only knows you agrees with you?
He keeps repeating how DONE he is... well, he's not done yet because every little piece of info I find out is driving his family one step closer to destruction. I still think family is important, but I'm starting to wonder if I should stop all attempts at reconciliation for my own sanity and seek a legal separation. He can do the dirty work of filing divorce. NO WAY is that my job.
I have to start thinking about protecting myself and DD from his actions. He's accusing me of so many things. How can further contact make things any better at this point? I don't know.
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
EC, do you think its time for a HARDER stance NOW?
We've been telling you for months to stop enabling him... I think it's time you faced the facts before you.
You have it in the bag now I think... protection phase time is my advice.. SHUT HIM OUT of your family's LIFE and EXPOSE FULLY NOW... that he is having sex with another woman... I would also reccomend exposing at the University.... But SR may have some better advice on how to do that safely... but I DO reccomend exposign what she's doing at the Uni somehow...
You have a LOT of family and friends supporting you. Encourage them to press the four key points on your husband
1. The affair is damaging your wife, your family, and your marriage 2. Stop lying to everyone, stop hurting everyone, and stop the affair 3. Go home, work on reconcilliation with your wife and rebuild your family 4. End all contact with OW, she is an interloper and a threat to your marriage, your wife, and your family
Your friends and family can press this on him
Remember that your Husband is living in a selfish destructive fantasy world and lying to EVERYONE.. INCLUDING OW...
FOcus on that fact : Your Husband is LYING TO HER as much as you... He's stringing her along like a fool too... Your husband's in a fantasy world and he's selling that wold to both of you... by lying.
If you push the truth out there, it ruins the fantasy and the addiction slowly gets chipped away...
Get family to press him to come home, but YOU should be in protection phase... no contact for you or your DD right now.. he's not in a healthy place to expose himself to anyone... He's a walking time bomb of damage
Note : Don't believe a word OW says about her mother rolling her eyes, you just read a lot of lies my dear, as long as you can push the truth out there the lies will evaporate... lies only have a lifespan if people believe them.. and you have a lot of support to combat that - USE IT
Thanks Allen... you really know how to hit the nail on the head. Yeah, I'm thinking NC is the best. And the fact OW is being strung along just as much as me... it makes my head spin.
My trial version of the software I have for getting the info dies tomorrow, so I'm hoping I have time to trade it out so I can keep gathering info. It hurts to read that s**t, but right now, I now what he's telling her and what he isn't.
And as far as OWM rolling eyes - I have a feeling she really did that... at the parts where I was telling her how H had lied to OW. BIG misunderstanding on OW's part.
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
I am wondering if you can share that convo with OWM would she tell your H to get lost, seeing how much he's lying to her daughter... I know she will protect her daughter first, that's a given, but if she realizes your H is stringing her daugther a long and is lying and playing head games she may actually turn on him and that may actually help you
Been working on reading the booklet. I read it through once pretty quickly and now I'm going back over it slowly.
As far as OWM.. I actually made her aware as much as I knew yesterday afteroon of how much H is lying. OWM will 'put her foot down' when it comes to H living there while he's still married. She vocally proclaimed that to me and to OW, hence OW being majorly po'd I'd called in the first place - and that was the only part of our convo that got repeated to H correctly.
Despite her knowing everything, I doubt OWM will be much help at this point. I get the idea that OWM is someone who'll tell you one thing and do another herself.
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
Yup... but if you keep calling her OW will not like it... continue exposing where you can...
If OWM turns on you, you can expose her too... she's a licensed therapist right?
Not good for business to expose a licensed therapist signing off on her daughter having a sexual affair with a married man who has young children...
Not good for business at all
And ya, keep reading that booklet.. If I had anything to say on protection phase I would just be saying what's in the book, and that's way too much for me to type
lol.. not good for business.... when she tried reading me the line about how counseling allows you to see what you really want... blah blah blah.. no wonder H used his IC as a way to justify his actions.
Oh, and btw, his therapist was recommended by OWM!!
Me 32, H 34, DD 3 M 6, T 8 Bomb 03/10 OW Bomb 6/5/10 Separate & NC 6/28/10 My 2nd EA Thread
BIG misunderstanding on OW's part.