Interesting day yesterday. H started a discussion about things. I proceeded with caution as I wasn't going to allow myself to be sucked in but it seemed different with H, so we did discuss some things. H said things were awkward between us. I agreed. I said I didn't really want to talk with him because until he made a decision to do something to improve the R, nothing was going to change for the better. He said he just doesn't feel the same way towards me anymore. I said I didn't need him to tell me that repeatedly - that it was hurtful and not like I couldn't tell! I mentioned the detachment - the mattress clinging. He said that was all coincidence and he was just trying to be honest. Yet then he went on to say that he didn't mean he didn't have feelings for me - that he loved me - and was physically attracted to me. Of course, I was thinking, well then - is that not enough? Do you really expect to go around feeling "in love" for 50 years? I didn't say that though. I said it has gotten the way it has because we neglected our marriage. That I am taking steps to do all I can by going to MC and bettering myself but that he has done nothing. He said he felt that it was very possible he would never feel that way about me again. I said that emotions are ever-changing and that sometimes your feelings have to follow your actions, not the other way around but that HE had to make a choice: he either wanted to do his best in this or not. That he had to be willing to get help or not. He said he was willing to try some things. Then he was very affectionate - gave me a shoulder rub... then he felt the need to reiterate that there was a strong possibility he'd never feel that way again. I didn't react at all but at that point I wish I'd have shut up. I went on to explain to him that given his childhood, it's no wonder he can detach so easily - and that our lives don't just affect us but our children and others. That the only time children fare better for a divorce is in cases of extreme abuse - that right now, mid-life, is when marriage satisfaction is at its lowest but those who work through it find an extreme increase in marriage satisfaction afterwards... that a lot of times people bail and then wish they hadn't. I guess I didn't need to go into all of that but I did. I wasn't emotional about it - just very factual. He probably didn't agree with a single word of it! BUT... there was no fight or anything. He agreed to a weekend thing I found out about through our counselor. It's on www.savemymarriage.com and claims people don't have to commit to the marriage - just the weekend. Supposedly it's brought people back from the edge of divorce. But anyway, we then went to dinner and a movie - and it was nice. Nothing spectacular - nothing romantic - but nice. When we went to bed H didn't hang over the mattress, lol.

SO...I'm not sure if this was a step forward or just me getting sucked in to being in his pocket. ????

I am going to follow through with the marriage weekend and sending him the information to start FT on his own, without me. I think that would be best. His actions (as to going) will say more than anything. I still think I may be dealing with an EA but can't prove it. In my thinking, why else would he "be so certain" that he will "never feel that way about me again" unless he already has transferred those feelings to someone else??? But that's just me.