How many weeks are you now, BD? Let's see, I think you're at 37? They say the baby is full term now!
I hope all is well.
Do you have plans for newborn photographs, BD? I did this pregnancy-newborn combo. And the lady just came out this week to photograph little girl. Today she sent me a sneak peek of three photos and they are SOOOOOOOOOOO cute! It makes me think of you because I know your little boy will be adorable.
Bill cheated on his wife and left her when they were struggling with IVF. Nice guy right. I found this all out the same night. Guess my WH decided it sounded like a good plan. Not an excuse, he is responsible for his own actions! now the two Divorce Idiots hang out with another old friend who's wife left him months before and is also go through a divorce, along with a few other SINGLE guys...
BD, wow. I don't remember if I read it in one of MWD's books or William Harley's books, but recently divorced folks (who CHOSE the divorce)are dangerous to spend time with. They are a threat to marriages. Because they sell the confused/unhappy spouse on the great free single life!
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My WH didnt leave me just because... a 31 year old man doesnt want to be single for any other reason than to be with other women. WH swears he hasnt been with anyone... really dont buy it! If he hasnt its bc of his own selfish reasons, such as if I found out I'd probably never let him see his son. So im guessing when the baby is born, he feels I will be distracted and too busy, and then she will come flying out of his pocket, like How the heck did she get there
Please be aware that I AM BIASED but, at the same time, I have read and learned lots and lots about affairs. Your H seemed to change his feelings toward you overnight. People who cheat tend to do a lot of the same things...one being an abrupt "change of heart" or the whole "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore...I don't feel the passion..." etc. when a few weeks earlier they were professing their love or still giving gifts/acts of service, etc. I do think, though, how could he be communicating with you so regularly if he has a woman on the side? So my point is that I wouldn't be surprised if he was cheating. But at the same time, I don't have a strong enough sense to tell you "BD he IS cheating." just some red flags!
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I can not believe I am bringing a baby into a world of such sadness and anger and hatred. i know this is all up to me! I am fully responsible for everything.
Umm, this does not make sense to me. How is this all up to you? How are you fully responsible for everything? Are you referring to the responsibility of taking care of your son or do you mean causing the world of sadness and hatred? I hope you are not referring to the latter!!!!Beacause that is PURE BULL!
But, you are correct, that raising him and giving birth is up to you. To put it in perspective, though, even in happily married situations, the mother is still the primary person responsible for the baby.
And I don't see how he is going to be born into sadnesss and hatred unless you exude that...and Piano is right! Once these precious miracles enter our world, there is nothing sad about them! They SAVE us! I know I didn't post enough about the joy my son brings me, but I use my thread to be purely self indulgent and write about depressing emotional stuff. He is a huge comfort 80% time!
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I dreamt my whole life of being pregnant with WH. I dreamt of him talking to my belly, and being with me at the birth, and walking into our home with our baby and raising a family together. Nothing is how WE dreamt it to be, NOTHING. i cant seem to shake it off.
I know you wrote this when you were feeling emotional and down. But I had the SAME EXACT THOUGHTS THROUGHOUT MY PREGNANCY! And reading this made me cry again because we never got that, DAMNIT! mutherf*&kers!
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I believe in energies and am so sad to realize this baby will be born in a world of divorce.
Sorry, I don't buy it. Otherwise, my baby would be unhappy and miserable. I was extremely stress the whole pregnancy. He is a happy boy! (you won't be able to tell until your son is around 3-4 months because they cry soooo much for the first 3!)
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With his father who never loved his mother.
Not true. He did love you and still does (although it is not in the way you need)
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A mother who today despises his father.
yep, but unless you make snarky comments to him or refer to his dad as "the jerk off " or "dufus" (my mom's nickname for my bio dad) he won't know. ANd as a baby, duh, of course he won't know!
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Grandparents and aunt/uncles who are so saddened by the situation that they dont know how to fix the pain and fulfill the loss. And despite what they say look at the baby with sadness instead of 100% pure joy.
I thought this, too. BUt then when S was born, it seemed like nothing else mattered to them but him and they were (and are) SOOOOO happy to see him and we talk forever about him and it is such a good feeling! And I bet Piano and Gatsby can attest to this too! It is like what happened in that corny movie with Molly Ringwald..."For Keeps" when her boyfriend's dad just melted when he saw his granddaughter! And it feels wonderful and indulgent to tell them how often he poops or that he grabbed onto a toy for the first time or how often he wakes up because our family CARES! They are just as amazed as we are! Really, it makes me so happy just thinking of it!
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Amazing the family and friends who have drifted away... and send a random post on FB but never care to really see whats going on.
I felt this way too, but come to find out,they just felt so bad and didn't know what to say.
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Relatives who are angry if I allow WH to be apart of son's life (including that of WH's)
Yep...but it is not their business. It gets old, though, hearing it, doesn't it?
and those who are praying for miracles (and i want that to stop ASAP).
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This baby will forever be the boy who's father left his mother when she was pregnant. And he will be different because of that. Everyone will always treat him so... more attention or more material gifts do not make up for the fact that his father is a bastard. People dont seem to get that.
Well only if you want him to have that identity. Sorry to be obnoxious, BD, but once he is born nothing else matters- he is his own person, he is the biological product of your dna and your WH's, he is a miracle. (well he is all of those things right now!) He is sooooo much more than a bastard and I just have never thought of my S in that way. Not even when I was pregnant! Wow, I never ever thought of that! When we made him, stbxh and I loved each other. Your WH will be a part of his life as his father. Aren't bastards abandoned by their dads?
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Why when we should be spending time enjoying our last weeks as a couple w/o kids and loving each other, am I home crying and sobbing and wishing this wasnt my life.
I know. I have literally been there and did the same thing, refusing to accept this was happening, incredulous at what stbxh was capable of doing...
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Why am I so sad when i should be happy about the baby
Because your WH left you when you were pregnant and you are uncertain about your future. Because it makes 100% sense why you are sad! I never understood it when people told me to just worry about my baby and be happy and enjoy my pregnancy. yeah- these were people who had no experience dealing with what I had to! (and you, and Gatsby and Piano) and I wanted to tell them to just SHOVE IT!!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
DLS, maybe WH is just plain tired of me! i always think he has his eye on someone or just wants to be single. Wants to sleep around and live a life apart from mine. This pregnancy made him realize he really wasnt in love with me. He felt trapped and so he left before he could tell everyone we were expecting.
It was a planned accident. I dont think he really thought I'd get pregnant.
Email me at longrodten@gmail.com, like to talk with you offline.
I wish there were a magic potion i could take to forget about WH. Am looking forward to baby's arrival, because I need the distraction... something to keep my mind occupied.
The past week has been hot/cold with WH. Truth is everything i pushed away, as far as the pain and what he did to me is creeping up on me. I still feel the pain. took me a long time to accept that I was pregnant alone... and now I have to accept that I am having this baby alone, and will be parenting alone. WH wants to help, but lets be real, he is entirely too selfish. I did tell him that I do not think it's a good idea for him to stay here at night when the baby is born. I dont want to fall in love with this idea that we could be a family. And then what when he leaves I am a mess and start crying all over again? Longing for my dear H who walks in and out my life all of the time. I need to find the stregnth to deliver this baby and be so self-involved that i do not have time to think of WH. I need to accept my life and get on with it.
Starting to think my WH is somewhat abusive. I think he likes that I am crying over him. How is it that he left and yet he still WONT GO AWAY!!! For those of you who are sad b/c your WAS left and want to have NC with you, its not a bad thing. It's just as painful to have a WH who left, bc he is not in love with you and lingers around... guess there is no easy way.
H said today that when he dropped the bomb, he not only felt relieved but his feelings became validated. He left 9 days later. But in between BS'd me to death telling me he wanted to try therapy and wrote me a card saying how we have what it takes to get through it and "you're my first, my last, my everything". Today he said once he got it out in the open, he realized he didnt have anything left for me.
And yet less than 2 months before he wanted to start a family with me... i mentioned this and he said "I know". Which means what exactly? that he knew then he didnt love me either.
Great!
just what i need to hear days before giving birth...
My WH never loved me.
I am only focusing on the baby from now on. EF my STBXH! need to learn to stand on my own two feet.
Gatsby, yep, almost 38 weeks, so less than 2 to go.
Newmama, thanks for your words! I am going to take back my life and make it what it is and give my son everything I always wanted for him.
I need to go find books on how to heal from a divorce, and closure and ending relationships... just think now is a really tough time to be starting new books when I should be putting away baby stuff! But maybe I will buy them and read every once and a while for a pick me up.
Few regrets I have, that i spent the past 6 months DBing when I should have been working on closure. maybe the best thing for me would have been going completely dark, or moving out of the house, or signing the D papers sooner and sending them in myself, should have spent time and energy on accepting the divorce and learning how to move forward instead of always thinking something could change his mind. In my heart I always believed me and WH had what it took... but then again, if you told me a year ago, I'd be where I am today, I would have laughed and told you that you were out of your mind! Not me... never!
Starting to think my WH is somewhat abusive. I think he likes that I am crying over him. How is it that he left and yet he still WONT GO AWAY!!! [quote]
I know! It is not considerate of your feelings at all. It could be borderline abusive.
[quote] H said today that when he dropped the bomb, he not only felt relieved but his feelings became validated. He left 9 days later. But in between BS'd me to death telling me he wanted to try therapy and wrote me a card saying how we have what it takes to get through it and "you're my first, my last, my everything". Today he said once he got it out in the open, he realized he didnt have anything left for me.
And yet less than 2 months before he wanted to start a family with me... i mentioned this and he said "I know". Which means what exactly?
Sounds like my WH too! He 'knows' none of it makes sense, but can't we still be friends?
I don't know about our WHs, BD. No specific OW, wants to be with us (usually) at the moment, but doesn't want to commit for the future. Pretty crappy.
I know Gatsby, makes no sense at all! Sounds like we are in the same boat!
Baby furniture delivered today! Things are finally falling into place for the little guy! H was at the house waiting for them to bring the things in! Cradle is in place, crib and bedroom furniture in place, some clothes washed, and the rocking chair comes tonight! Wow! this is for real!!!
Talked briefly to H and said guess this is it... for me and you? No turning back right, this is what you want? How you wish for our son to be born? without us as a family... He talked about how he plans to be there to help me so much along the way. SAid its me that has the hard time being friends... um... yeah! Said I guess I always thought something along the way would have trigger an emotion in you, spending time together, getting baby stuff done together, even the birth? he said how do you know the birth wont do that, i replied with well as long as you close up your heart and dont open yourself up to the opportunity that you could possibly feel something for me, then it wont happen. i believe in that stuff, if you dont open your heart to the possibility of falling in love with me again, it wont happen. That is your decision. Its entirely up to you. He shook his head. looks like i really stunned him...
oh well... today... i am letting go and letting God take over!
I don't know if they are placating us, but my WH was also keeping the tiniest glimmer of hope open for the future. The very rare comment like "we never know what is going to happen". I think they don't even beleive it, so best not to put too much value on that stuff. The fact they were trying to get us pregnant & then leave..yeah, it's hard to fathom. My WH admitted that he thought having kids might change him and us, make us happier. But he didn't stick around to see if it would. What a coward, I think, because children can exacerbate problems that already exist, for sure, but they also bring a whole new pleasure, dynamic, priority and direction. That's why i think WHs should at least stay and SEE if they like being part of the new family, instead of option out beforehand. Great all the furniture has arrvied. You are going to be a lovely mum, BD, I can sense it. And your boy is going to have an incredible extended family, by the sounds of it. No matter what happens, I know you are going to be fine. You are passionate and have lots of love to give...good things will come your way. I hope it's your WH, but if not, it's HIS loss.
