you are sounding much better these days SO2. I am glad to read this. You sound like you are coming into your own. Awesome. Hopefully your EXH will continue to make strides. It will benefit all of you.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Hello...Been awhile since I have been here. I do miss this place but now see my posting on every whim was holding me back.
Here is the latest in my situation:
Exh pretty much hit bottom, decided it was time for him to get help and now has not had anything to drink in 9 days. That is big for him. He got with an IC who is great and has been to AA meetings every day. He wants to R slowly if that is what I want too. His IC called me last week before his appointment and asked me my part of the story as well as if I would be open to R so he knew how to counsel exh. He wants to eventually see us together as well as maybe one or two sessions alone with me.
Exh is like a changed man. I know its early, but its really nice to see. We have good talks about my fears, insecurities and how to build up trust. His IC told him he needs to do whatever it takes to make me feel comfortable again. When exh drank is when he went looking elsewhere. Something inside him changes and makes him not give a crap about consequences. The IC said that early childhood abuse/alcoholism/hypersexual activity go hand in hand. They numb the pain.
Exh told the IC that I was a great wife. It was all him and his issues. He felt that because of his past of being abused as a kid and then cheated on by exw1 he wanted to hurt before someone had the opportunity to hurt him. So if we got in an argument or things were not perfect he would want to be the strong one so nobody could hurt him.
So that is it in a nutshell. I know its very early to tell, but I will take it day by day. I really do love the sober, attentive, loving, sweet exh though.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I wish your H the best of wishes getting himself straightened out. I do hope that it could work for the both of you and he is able to get the help/tools needed to have a loving R with you.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I am a little surprised that the IC is already exploring a relationship angle. Isn't one of the tennants of AA that you not enter into any relationships for the first year? Please go very slowly on this and take care of yourself above everything else.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
I was a bit surprised too...but he specializes in alcoholism/drug addiction and must have felt it was ok.
Things are still rolling along ok. Been a busy week and we have both had our other kids. He comes by, sometimes stays for dinner, and then goes home. Still not drinking. Very happy for him right now. He is handling it pretty well.
This weekend my kids are out of town and he doesn't have his. He stayed last weekend on my couch as weekends, him leaving, and the risk of drinking made me trigger and get anxious. His IC said he was to stay if that made me feel more secure.
No physical stuff as of yet. Trying to hold off as long as I can.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Has it really been this long since I posted? Wow..I have lurked and checked a few friends posts but haven't updated mine.
Life is going well here. Been so busy. Seems like summer is busier than when school is in. Have had alot of swim parties with the older kids and even baby's little friends and mommies. Been really fun.
Exh and I are doing well. He is still sober and attending meetings nearly every day. We have gone to a few counseling sessions together and he still goes weekly by himself. That has really helped both of us. Him with boundaries and understanding my feelings and me with not flipping out when I trigger about certain things. We communicate much better. He spends alot of time here but still has to go home alot to his grandparents. Its a good thing they need him or we would fall into certain things easier. He does stay about half the week though. I love my alone time...never thought I would say that. He comes for dinner on certain nights and then leaves about 7 or so. Then I have time to myself with baby and other kids.
I have also lost about 20 pounds!! So excited. I am now down to pre pregnancy weight! I started this program and its been wonderful. I got back to the gym and am so motivated. Still have about 10 to be where I want, but am working on it. Exh notices and says nice compliments. Another thing so unlike him.
I have so much to work on myself. I find myself so insecure and then lashing out at him. Just expecting him to screw up (rightfully so I guess). IC gave me tools to help with calming me down. Exh and I have had a few challenges with OW's that won't go away and he has handled them beautifully for once. He came to me, showed me the text/emails and then I sat there while he responded.
I don't hold my breath yet. He can still revert back at any moment, but I am really praying he doesn't. He is gone for the weekend camping/hunting with a sober buddy and will be back today. I even had a busy and great weekend while he was gone where usually I would be a mess.
Anyway, thats all for now....
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
