Completely Blindsided

[fullmoon]

{sorry to hijack again B}

Hey Piano...
Sorry for not replying to your question properly in your thread. I thought it might be better to post here than yours.
Re: custody, I think you are more or less in the safe water since you are back in your country already.
What I see around me the most is when couples D and the custody is 50/50... meaning both parents have to be in the same country to spend time with the child.
This prevents mums from going back to their country with the child if they are overseas... naturally they'd want to go back to where their family is to have more support. So it might be best to keep your R with H amicable... I dunno, if you need 100% custody to make sure you get to stay where you are.

It's really good that you asked your previous posts to be deleted, I was going to ask them myself... thought my 'idea' to you may have been a bit inappropriate ;-)

[blind]

That's OK,

Any conversation is better than silence

... though you've got me intrigued as to your idea now Moon! I guess we'll never get to know!

[fullmoon]

Hey B, hope your hand is healing fast?

Perhaps I worry too much but the more I post it concerns me sometimes that anyone can google and read these forums.
But when you're trying to get help it's hard to keep everything discreet isn't it.

B, would you be able to get a working holiday visa and find work over there? I thought you can apply for citizenship after 5 years of spouse visa... maybe you left before then.
I guess it's important to have the focus on yourself not her, if you do go over there it's got to be for reasons other than her... otherwise she'd run?
One thing is for sure... time is your friend, it will make her think.


It is really stressful moving countries. In my case although we were going back to H's country he wasn't really 'with it'(not that he wanted to stay there, he just hated doing chores)... he left nearly all the removal work to me, so he couldn't really understand why I was huffing and puffing... which was the last straw for me.

[blind]

Hey Moon,

Hand is... well, it's getting there. I'm changing the dressings and keeping it clean and following the doctors orders and all that.

I know you can get to the site easily, but do the individual posts show up in google searches? I'll have to try that and double check. I do feel the paranoia too though... worrying that anyone here could be my W... But then I don't think she's even searched for a place like this. It was always more my thing to be on the internet researching stuff.

I already had a working holiday visa, followed by two 'limited leave to remains' (You're only supposed to have one!... damn home office). The next thing was an 'Indefinite leave to remain'... but that's off the cards now. I don't know how to get back in and work... I've not looked into it to be honest.

I'm trying to focus on me, but I can't forget about her... and there are no other reasons for me to go back there.

I hope that time is my friend and not my enemy. I worry that time will let her move past us, move on, meet someone, and I'll become a distant, negative memory. She always told me how much I meant to her... it's hard to imagine becoming that.

Were you and H moving back down these parts? I did most of the moving stuff too, but there were a few things I couldn't take care of in time that were left to her... it was almost all lined up when she dropped the bomb.

[fullmoon]

ok I just tried googling my post and it didn't come up... whew!

That's right, now I remember... 2 years spouse then 5 years of indefinite then you're eligible to apply for citizenship?

H is from where you're thinking of going to, he's already there. All the stuff was shipped to his parents'-where he is for now-(not enough time to change destination for mine) so I still have to pick them up. I don't know what to do, whether to quietly remove them while H is at work as things have turned nasty.
I'm in my country to have a surgery to remove a polyp which will be next week... hopefully the doc will give me an all clear by August sometime, then comes the crucial part of picking my stuff up.
Before Europe that's where I was and I'm familiar with the place with friends, but I'm thinking of going to the 5th largest city down south as I want a new start.
I'll see how it goes, I might decide it's a bit too quiet for me after a while.

[blind]

I didn't think it'd come up, but that is a definite relief!

I think you're right with the visa... didn't get to the indefinite, so I didn't look beyond that. The plan was to never stay there that long.

Right, so your H is here now... at least it's not as far to go, right? I can't really advise on what to do about the stuff... if it's gotten nasty then all bets are off. It's hard to know what to do.

Hope the surgery goes ok though! That sounds like a fairly big operation.

What are your plans for moving down there (I've never been, but I have some friends from there.. depends on what you class as 'busy' I guess!). I need to start thinking about my moving plans too. It's just very difficult to look at things there in the new light with the new world perspective of "Just Me". We were looking at 2 bedroom flats with an ocean view before this... now I'm looking at a bedsit or boarding house.

I'm not really too sure how to go about it.

[fullmoon]

One reason I'm thinking of not living there is the cost and the amount of time it takes to get to work.
Choose convenient areas and it's really expensive, choose reasonable and it's a long commute... unless you share.
If you're looking at somewhere convenient to the city like eastern suburbs /lower North shore/ inner west/ anywhere, it's around $250-$300 for a studio per week... for a 2bed you're looking at almost double that (more expensive if close to the water). My friends have been telling me that while I was overseas the rent sky rocketed since the financial crisis as everyone turned to rental from buying.
I traveled 1.5hrs one way at one time and I don't want to do it again... although it's nothing in comparison to people who travel from places like Brighton to London!
But I really think they really need more decent public transport, when I was there in Aus I spent a lot of time waiting for a train/bus as they'd cancel them/ change destination just like that!

I plan to pick my stuff up with a family friend, the other city I'm heading to is where she lives... she's arranged for me to share a place with her relative and the room is waiting for me already.
When I find work I will look for a place to be on my own... def need a job to hunt for a decent place, if there are others inspecting the same place you have such slim chance of winning it. (letting agencies choose public servants and corporate employees-- esp people with a higher role-- over others as they are the least 'risky'?)

[fullmoon]

btw, to move my stuff from one city to another, before nc H offered to rent a van and drive (out of feeling guilty!? make sure I'm out!? I don't know). When I told my GF about this idea she got all excited and wanted to turn it into a road trip... so that's what we're planning to do and I declined H's offer. Was a good decision as he gets into road rage... and since R's turned sour as I did R talk too early.
Driving over 1300km... that's half the length of my country! crazy you Aussies hehe! :-)

[blind]

Yeah, I can understand the cost being a limiting factor. I guess I just don't want to move to somewhere I'll limit my opportunities...

I guess after living in London, most other places feel too small. Plus it's the closest major city to my family.

There was a big buying boom a little while back with the first time home owners grant, where people got huge subsidies from the government provided they live in the place for 12 months, so there should be a boom of rental properties on the market in just over a month or so... so fingers crossed.

A road trip with a mate sounds like good fun! It's a huge distance to travel so you definitely want to have a buddy to drive with!

My plan atm is to drive up, visit a few temp agencies, try and get some work, and have enough savings to start looking at somewhere cheap to rent... Hopefully that'll be the way it works.

All of my worldly possessions will easily fit into a single car load (and probably into a single car boot... with space!), so it shouldn't be too hard to drive up.

It's not going to happen until November now, so there's plenty of time to save and plan.

[blind]

God, I just saw... I can't believe I've posted on this forum 100 times.

Great to have somewhere to put down your thoughts, but in some ways it's a bit depressing that I feel I've had that much to say.

I think I'm going through a bit of withdrawal atm. Little company on the weekend, most of my coworkers are out, no email from W over the weekend... feeling very lonely. It's stupid, and I need to get used to it.

weird how not much has changed, I'm still here, still in a new country again, but 2 months ago (or so) I knew that there was someone who loved me no matter what, and that comforted me. Now that comforts not there. I'm slipping into a bit of a funk, need to find that PMA again.