I know it's painful to hear - no one likes to be criticized -- but the trash talking about you is how they're justifying their relationship. The bigger he makes your faults seem, the easier it is for him to rationalize the infidelity. If he thought you were perfect, he wouldn't need OW.
And they'll literally make "mountains out of molehills" to prove their point. When I was snooping, I found a long list of "issues" WH had with me. It was interesting to see his perspective. He didn't like:
*How I handle money (because he once tried to check into a hotel with a maxed out credit card and was declined back in 1992)
*How lenient I am with the kids' studies (they're all honors students - oldest daughter will likely get a full scholarship to all girls' high school)
*That I don't entertain regularly (because his idea of hosting is for him to have all the fun, laughing and charming the guests, while I do all the work: clean house, get groceries, cook, and clean up)
My favorite?
*That I wasn't a biblical scholar (like OW supposedly is - how ironic is that? Quick - name the 6th Commandment!)
Maybe I'm crazy, but of all the reasons a man COULD cite for cheating on his wife, NOT being a biblical scholar seems like kind of a reach - particularly since he's not very religious!
So understand that the vilification is going to happen, elvencat. You just want to limit it to as few as people as possible so it doesn't interfere with the reconciliation process (if that's still an option for you).
