We share a house, kids, and bills. We sleep two floors away from each other and typically spend less than 30 minutes a day together. That's not cake - it's sawdust.
Allowing?
I have hollered long and hard since the beginning and all I have to show for my efforts is an estranged husband and an arrest record.
If I'd thrown him out, changed the locks, and properly exposed the affair WHEN I DISCOVERED IT two years ago, OW would be history and we'd be in recovery. I didn't do it - had no idea how to do it - and now I'm paying the price.
If I try to do it NOW, my marriage is over. WH would walk away and never look back. He'd lose his job and his career because the University would rather get rid of him than enforce their own rules.
Yes, I could make a stink, file lawsuits, get newspapers involved and the like to prove my point and put blame where it belongs, but that would not restore my marriage and allow my children to grow up with their father.
So...at what point do you forfeit the battle in order to win the war?
I've seen more positive behavior out of WH in the last 2 weeks than in the last 2 years. We're communicating like old times. I don't feel like I'm walking on eggshells.
Yet he's TORN by conflict.
Last night he was looking at apartments online. Tonight he told me we should go look at a nearby horse farm that's up for sale (something we've talked about doing for 5 or 6 years that he hasn't mentioned in months).
Yesterday he came home late and was screaming at the kids. Today he was up early wanting to do stuff with them (rare).
He went to work after dinner tonight (OW was there). But then he was home early and came up to my room twice to talk to me (again, rare).
My head is spinning from all the incongruity!
Something's gotta give soon. Jekyll/Hide cannot continue to co-exist.
I still think it's because he's enjoying the "new and improved" happier and more confident me (thanks Larry!), yet his co-workers (and OW) are telling him it's a trick and not to believe it. I can't blame them. My behavior has been erratic and unpredictable the last two years (understandable).
But if you'll look back at my first post in early May, I started it by saying that after "doing more of the same that didn't work, I decided to do a 180."
They don't know that. They don't know that I've been working hard for two months to make changes and restore my marriage instead of laying awake at night trying to figure out how to cause trouble for OW.
So I've got my work cut out for me not only in restoring my marriage but also my good name - and I really appreciate all of you allowing me to vent the lows and celebrate the highs here instead of acting like a fool and pushing my WH further away.
