I hear you, but you're preaching to the choir. And my wife has already heard all these arguments.
As for taking away important things from my wife that affect other things in our marriage, already been there done that -- that would be letting this problem spill into other unrelated areas of our marriage. That is the typical first reaction people have, which leads to a spiral of denials back and forth spilling out into every area of the marriage and affecting children, creating resentment, and so forth. Each party is denied something in response to something the other party didn't think was important.
If I sound like "been there done that" to most suggestions (which I recognize people provide with the best of helpful intentions), it's the very nature of a long-term problem. Lots of things have already been tried and didn't work.
That's why I started this thread by trying to understand something about myself, and what the possibilities would be for the future for myself, separate from my wife's issues. What are realistic expectations with anyone, including my wife if she could be made more "normal"? Etc. I'm not really looking for a direct solution to my problem, though I certainly don't turn down reading any and all suggestions.
