S is leaving for camp tomorrow and my BIL was coming into town. H asked what our plans were and I said I was cooking out. He asked if he could come by to see S before he left. I said sure - bring BIL for dinner. So I make nice dinner for S and his friend, BIL and H. S and friend leave / H and BIL hang around for a while having a few drinks just talking. Then H and BIL head out to H's 'rent by week" place. BIL hugs me says thanks. H says thanks and leaves. Me, I clean up and cry. How did I lose my best friend? Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself - no I didn't drink. Yes I'm reading, re-reading, DB. Not pursuing H, no R talks - trying to come to terms with myself and my "new" life. I am a nice person - I am a good person - I am a loving person - I am a giving person - I am a funny person - I'm not unattractive - I want my "old" husband back. It was way more good than bad. Yes I sound pathetic - but I'm just venting my feelings / not my rational side! Thanks for listening!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
