Bill cheated on his wife and left her when they were struggling with IVF. Nice guy right. I found this all out the same night. Guess my WH decided it sounded like a good plan. Not an excuse, he is responsible for his own actions! now the two Divorce Idiots hang out with another old friend who's wife left him months before and is also go through a divorce, along with a few other SINGLE guys...
BD, wow. I don't remember if I read it in one of MWD's books or William Harley's books, but recently divorced folks (who CHOSE the divorce)are dangerous to spend time with. They are a threat to marriages. Because they sell the confused/unhappy spouse on the great free single life!
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My WH didnt leave me just because... a 31 year old man doesnt want to be single for any other reason than to be with other women. WH swears he hasnt been with anyone... really dont buy it! If he hasnt its bc of his own selfish reasons, such as if I found out I'd probably never let him see his son. So im guessing when the baby is born, he feels I will be distracted and too busy, and then she will come flying out of his pocket, like How the heck did she get there
Please be aware that I AM BIASED but, at the same time, I have read and learned lots and lots about affairs. Your H seemed to change his feelings toward you overnight. People who cheat tend to do a lot of the same things...one being an abrupt "change of heart" or the whole "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore...I don't feel the passion..." etc. when a few weeks earlier they were professing their love or still giving gifts/acts of service, etc. I do think, though, how could he be communicating with you so regularly if he has a woman on the side? So my point is that I wouldn't be surprised if he was cheating. But at the same time, I don't have a strong enough sense to tell you "BD he IS cheating." just some red flags!
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I can not believe I am bringing a baby into a world of such sadness and anger and hatred. i know this is all up to me! I am fully responsible for everything.
Umm, this does not make sense to me. How is this all up to you? How are you fully responsible for everything? Are you referring to the responsibility of taking care of your son or do you mean causing the world of sadness and hatred? I hope you are not referring to the latter!!!!Beacause that is PURE BULL!
But, you are correct, that raising him and giving birth is up to you. To put it in perspective, though, even in happily married situations, the mother is still the primary person responsible for the baby.
And I don't see how he is going to be born into sadnesss and hatred unless you exude that...and Piano is right! Once these precious miracles enter our world, there is nothing sad about them! They SAVE us! I know I didn't post enough about the joy my son brings me, but I use my thread to be purely self indulgent and write about depressing emotional stuff. He is a huge comfort 80% time!
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I dreamt my whole life of being pregnant with WH. I dreamt of him talking to my belly, and being with me at the birth, and walking into our home with our baby and raising a family together. Nothing is how WE dreamt it to be, NOTHING. i cant seem to shake it off.
I know you wrote this when you were feeling emotional and down. But I had the SAME EXACT THOUGHTS THROUGHOUT MY PREGNANCY! And reading this made me cry again because we never got that, DAMNIT! mutherf*&kers!
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I believe in energies and am so sad to realize this baby will be born in a world of divorce.
Sorry, I don't buy it. Otherwise, my baby would be unhappy and miserable. I was extremely stress the whole pregnancy. He is a happy boy! (you won't be able to tell until your son is around 3-4 months because they cry soooo much for the first 3!)
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With his father who never loved his mother.
Not true. He did love you and still does (although it is not in the way you need)
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A mother who today despises his father.
yep, but unless you make snarky comments to him or refer to his dad as "the jerk off " or "dufus" (my mom's nickname for my bio dad) he won't know. ANd as a baby, duh, of course he won't know!
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Grandparents and aunt/uncles who are so saddened by the situation that they dont know how to fix the pain and fulfill the loss. And despite what they say look at the baby with sadness instead of 100% pure joy.
I thought this, too. BUt then when S was born, it seemed like nothing else mattered to them but him and they were (and are) SOOOOO happy to see him and we talk forever about him and it is such a good feeling! And I bet Piano and Gatsby can attest to this too! It is like what happened in that corny movie with Molly Ringwald..."For Keeps" when her boyfriend's dad just melted when he saw his granddaughter! And it feels wonderful and indulgent to tell them how often he poops or that he grabbed onto a toy for the first time or how often he wakes up because our family CARES! They are just as amazed as we are! Really, it makes me so happy just thinking of it!
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Amazing the family and friends who have drifted away... and send a random post on FB but never care to really see whats going on.
I felt this way too, but come to find out,they just felt so bad and didn't know what to say.
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Relatives who are angry if I allow WH to be apart of son's life (including that of WH's)
Yep...but it is not their business. It gets old, though, hearing it, doesn't it?
and those who are praying for miracles (and i want that to stop ASAP).
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This baby will forever be the boy who's father left his mother when she was pregnant. And he will be different because of that. Everyone will always treat him so... more attention or more material gifts do not make up for the fact that his father is a bastard. People dont seem to get that.
Well only if you want him to have that identity. Sorry to be obnoxious, BD, but once he is born nothing else matters- he is his own person, he is the biological product of your dna and your WH's, he is a miracle. (well he is all of those things right now!) He is sooooo much more than a bastard and I just have never thought of my S in that way. Not even when I was pregnant! Wow, I never ever thought of that! When we made him, stbxh and I loved each other. Your WH will be a part of his life as his father. Aren't bastards abandoned by their dads?
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Why when we should be spending time enjoying our last weeks as a couple w/o kids and loving each other, am I home crying and sobbing and wishing this wasnt my life.
I know. I have literally been there and did the same thing, refusing to accept this was happening, incredulous at what stbxh was capable of doing...
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Why am I so sad when i should be happy about the baby
Because your WH left you when you were pregnant and you are uncertain about your future. Because it makes 100% sense why you are sad! I never understood it when people told me to just worry about my baby and be happy and enjoy my pregnancy. yeah- these were people who had no experience dealing with what I had to! (and you, and Gatsby and Piano) and I wanted to tell them to just SHOVE IT!!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004