Healing my Heart part 8

[fightingirish]

Hello All. Been meaning to update, but as you know, when things get bad, they snowball.

We were expecting to get this big job and it fell through. H was taking it hard, in turn taking his fustrations out on us. Long story but I ended up not talking to him for a day or so.

Speed up to last week. I was laying down because I was starting to get one of my headaches, S4 came up stairs to take a picture of me with H's camera on his phone. Anyways, I said to stop that it was going to use up his memory(uses it for the job sites so
I went to delete some of the pictures, and there they were , Four PORN pictures on his phone, two of them I could tell were taken on the TV and the other two I couldn't tell. Anyways I went Ape Sh!t. I told him that there is no excuse for having that crap on his phone, Especially after all the He!! I have been through with him, this was a slap in the face.

So I told him I wanted him to leave the house. S7 was just getting home from school and I decided we would go somewhere until 8pm or so to give him time to leave. I didn't even really get a chance to say to much to him because his workers were at the house. So I put the boys in the car and told them I would be out in a minute not to come in the house. I told his workers to either go home or wait outside, then I went crazy... Im not proud of myself, but I Really lost it. I told him I didn't want any excuses that I am totally starting to detach myself from him and that I will not have any of the crap in my house or he could just find a apartment to stay in. I said that its not like he isn't getting sex from me... I'll tell you the man gets it almost every day. So what is the need... again, the date of the picture was , get this the date of our anniversary when he was away.. that just put salt in the wound. I told him at this point he was vile and that I am tired of the crap I put up with.

He didn't say he was going to leave though, but I went shopping with the boys and stayed out.

He did call me to ask what we were up to... I said its really none of your business at this point. And if there is anything you have to say for yourself, you'd better say it now. All he did was apologize and said it was on a commerical in the hotel room (for those pay per view movies) and that was all, that it was just a picture. I said you know what, you need something I cannot give you. I have done everything possible to make you happy sexually and emotionally and its still not enough and Im totally worn out and tired trying. He says" thats not true you are enough for me" ... blah blah blah.

Then he says he needs to start riding his bike again and feeling better, I said that's fine do that, but Im not going to sit back and continue on this way. He again apologized, but to me at this juncture it means nothing.

So things were tense, really tense for about 3 days. I didn't want him touching me or anything, and I do know that was torture for him, but that's just too bad, The last thing I wanted at that point was for him to touch me.

things died down, Then Yesterday Me and the boys had a major car accident, some older guy went through a stop sign and hit me broadside..The car was totaled. I was a wreck. The boys and I are fine, just some bruising on them from the seatbelts, but thats all. I was sick last night just from being jarred around.

H didn't make it home til 9:30pm, I was so mad. He couldn't have left the job a little early to come home... again he made it about "him" if you can believe that.

So here I am, things are quiet between us, I did tell him that everytime he pulls this stuff, It pushes me further and further away, and you will be the one who loses. I will know in my heart that tried everything from waiting for you to feel better about yourself to trying to get you to see someone, but you just give me an excuse. I can sleep at night knowing I am doing the right thing can you?

Thats' its folks, just exhuasted today, took the boys to the beach to get them out of the house, but so tired from all the drama yesterday.

Im still here, hoping and praying.