Dan, I think you've received some of this advice before and I know that it's really hard to do, but you really have to at this point. DETACH! GAL! Get out of the house. Find some things to do with friends that give your mind a break from obsessing about your sitch.
Who cares what your W is thinking or what she's telling her friends? She's filed. Your job now is to be the best dad you can be and protect yourself legally. Don't be fooled by her acting nice. It's probably just that an act.
From the sounds of it, she has not thought this out very well. She assumes that she'll go on being your friend and you'll give her whatever she wants because you feel guilty. You need to show her this is not the case.
QUIT BEING HER FRIEND! Don't go out with her. Don't even speak to her unless it's something important about your kids. Don't be rude but just cold. Let her know this is not what you want but you understand that she is making this choice and these are the consequences.
Most importantly, don't speak to her about your legal position. That just gives her time to prep agruments against you. Go for the 50/50 custody split. You deserve as much time with your kids as she does. And, quite frankly, time equals money. If you don't have 50/50, she will get a large support payment from you. Would you rather have time with your children or pay her money?
Get some backbone, Dan. She'll have more respect for you. More importantly, you'll have more respect for yourself.
