Looking for help with WAW

[sandi2]

Hey, I haven't forgotten you but you were getting great help from the others.

I've done everything I said I was going to do...she just doesn't know it. How do I get her to know without it coming off as pursuit?

When you can get to that stage of personal growth that it doesn't matter if she knows it or not.......then you will have truly succeeded in moving forward!

As long as you are emotionally looking back to see if she is looking back to see.......well, guess what she'll see?

It doesn't seem like the DBing is having any effect...or is it?

What part isn't working? Are you divorced yet?

I would love to think she checks up on me too.

Perhaps she does.

I'm not sure how she would go about that though?

LOL.......oh MZA! Now you try to try to figure out how she would check up on you?

I do see her brother twice a week but we don't talk about W. I don't tell him much of my life either because I think it would look like I'm purposely trying to send information to W through him.

See? You have learned!

Sure, if I didn't change then I could understand it but I believe I have become everything and more of what W wanted from me in our M.

Secretly you have worked at changing, hoping to win her back. When a person does that, and doesn't get the spouse back, then it leaves them feeling "lost". The purpose was not to win her back......it was to make you into a wonderful human being. But with every action you have wanted her to notice, and to be impressed.

If there was OM then I could understand it.

Now let me tell you something.......and I think I read a post or two from a couple of other men suggesting it might be easier if there was OM! SHAME ON ALL OF YOU WHO THINK THAT! You think you are hurting now? You don't know hurt until your loved one has chosen another man to be physically or emotionally intimate with, instead of you. You do not want that! You think 8 1/2 months of her not talking about the MR is not right? Try throwing in infidelity and see what happens.

Could her resentment, anger, hurt feelings, still be so strong at this time?

YES! I have known women who went through the rest of their lives feeling all of those things.

What should I do? Continue to wait and give her more time or reach out to her?

Follow the advice Guicci gave you.

What would you have wanted at this point in your sitch? Would you have wanted your H to sincerely apologize or would it have not made any difference in your mind at the time?

I would have to guess at what I would have wanted, since I was not S from my H and my stitch was different. Based on what I've learned about human nature, I'd say I would have wanted him to have left me alone.

In my personal stitch, I would have appreciated an apology from him for the things he did that had caused major resentments over the years. But all he could focus on was my EA and he said he had done nothing wrong. He was expecting an apology from me. But that was my stitch.....not yours.

If I understand you, you are talking about sending her a letter of apology, right? Based on your statements about not knowing what to do next, I'm thinking that you are seeing a letter of apology as a strategy. Maybe not, but most everything you've done was trying to get her to come around.

I understand that you are frustrated, really I do. It may be two or three years before she'll want to talk to you. She may never give you the answer you are looking for. I know these months has been like eternity to you, but it really has not been that long when compared to a lifetime. I believe you had some very important relationship lessons to learn and frankly, I am not convinced they are permantly set. If your W came back today, I'd dare say you would be right back into your old habits in 6 wks. It's too easy to let that happen and you've not had enough "practice" time. Look at Soccer. How much does the team have to practice before they are ready for the real game? You've not really been tested yet. The real test will come when or if she does decide to tell you what the problems were.