It's not really acting as if it isn't a big deal (he know it is) it's being cilvil for your S4. If you can manage to be friendly (and you have) great.
I still vascillate whne it comes to feeling like a "fraud" not nearly as much as I used to though (we're talking once in a blue moon now).
I know how badly you want to show him how much he hurt you. Do you think he doesn't know? Did he not know you at all? He knows. You not putting it in his face just leaves the pressure off. Is that important? You decide. Is it more important for him to feel at ease enough to be around you and S4 or do you want him run from you and possibly S4.
Truly it would have been so much easier for me if I didn't see H (or at least rarely). In my case, I think he would have headed for the hills and probably seen D's less esp over time. Who knows though, maybe I'm selling him short. What I do know, is how I feel about myself and my actions.
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And I dont know if my 'as iffing' is all in vein. He's always said he hopes we can still be friends, and I feel like he feels thats just what he's getting. Not that I want to be mean to him. Am I making ANY sense at all.
Perfect sense. Do you define "in vain" as if he doesn't come back to you? Or could you define it as his being an active parent b/c he can have at least a civil R with you? I know it's really the former. I know you don't want to feel like a fool. All I can tell you, is that for me, I would feel like a fool if I let this mess get in the way of my D's having the best of both of us. Even together sometimes.
Only you can decide for you.
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Whats progress and whats not?
It's all progress. Whether it heads in the direction you want it to right now, that's what you have to be patient and wait for.
