I recalled this morning after reading MWD article that back when WH and I were dating off and on and he was living in a college town 100 miles away, the friend who introduced us told me she and her boyfriend had been invited to WH's birthday at college and he was there with another girl. He didn't invite me, but I sent him a card and gift and told him how much I missed him. I thought he'd been spending the day alone.
My friend was sickened by it, but her boyfriend told her to keep quiet, that it was none of their business. She told me anyway (she's still a great friend!). I was hurt, but WH and I weren't exclusive - as he was quick to point out when I asked him about it. I told him that was true, and of course he should see other girls -- just as I should see other guys since we weren't exclusive. He didn't like that idea one bit! A few weeks later, we agreed to exclusivity.
But during those few weeks in between, I happened to mention to another "friend" that he was seeing someone else, and I didn't like it. I told her not to tell anyone - which of course she DID. She couldn't wait to dish the dirt. We were visiting our favorite teacher on maternity leave together a few days later when WH's name came up and the teacher said, "I thought you dumped him for cheating!" Aghast, I looked straight at my "friend" - who tried to crawl under her seat. I never trusted her again.
I told 1 PERSON.
Yet for the next 3 YEARS, every now and again I'd get an out-of-the-blue comment about "that cheater" from someone when I least expected it. The morning of my wedding I had one of my friends' mothers stop by the bridal room and say, "Are you sure you want to go through with this? It's not too late to call it off, you know. Once a cheater, always a cheater."
Yes, that was prophetic!
But the point is, people hear stuff, pick sides, and offer their advice whether you want it or not.
I'm pretty sure that's what's happening here.
Yes, my "exposure" technique was totally wack and I ended up looking like a fool. But he's surrounded himself by "yes" men at work who listened to his tale of whoa and who have NO idea what's REALLY happening here at home. They only know what he's told them and what hysteria OW created by being called a sl*t. And by keeping me away from everyone, they intend to keep it that way.
Meanwhile, my family and friends have NO idea what's been going on. It helps that they live a distance from me. I intend to keep them in the dark, because I know what'd they say: leave him. Without knowing what's in my heart, head, bank account, or otherwise, they'd vilify WH like his co-workers have vilified me and make reconciliation all but impossible. Regardless of what happens between us, they'd hold it against him for the rest of his life. My prior experience tells me that.
I don't want that. If we get past this and reconcile, I want him to be treated the same as he always has been. If we don't, then - and only then - will they know the truth. Then they'll tell me, "You did the right thing by leaving."
So...anyone else dealing with "Team WH" vs "Team BS?"
What's the best way to go about getting EVERYONE ELSE out of your business so you can decide what's best for the two of you? I'm looking for a game plan.
