we've gone to a therapist, and once we started talking about her, she refused to go anymore, because she said that there was nothing wrong with her, and she is the normal one, that everybody she knows is just like her. she also got her hormones checked and they are fine.
Everything you say is almost an exact match to my situation and my wife. As for being normal -- and that's been a point of argument for us too, and it goes nowhere useful -- it's not about who's normal, it's about how two people can accomodate each other. I know you know that, but I'll say it anyway. In fact, few people are near or exactly at "normal". I've heard of marriages where BOTH partners have NO interested in sex. That may not be "normal", but you won't see them in therapy because they're HAPPY. Which proves how useless the concept of "normal" is.
Rather, what you might say is that it is "normal" for an LD person who is married to an HD person to try to increase their sexual interest somehow, just as it might be normal for a considerate HD person to try to regulate downward their sexual drive by various means. It's normal to be considerate. How about that for constructive definition of "normal"?
Maybe we should take everybody posting to this forum and move them to France, where it is more acceptable and normal for men to have a mistress for sex, and for women to have a sensitive lover on the side.
I think we need to stop thinking life or our marriage is about "me", and its about "us".
I do alot of things when I don't want to and not necessarily what I wanted to do for my significant other. Some of these things put pressure on me, some of them waste time and some make me feel uncomfortable.
I would expect that a wife who loves her husband and wants him to feel as a man should would allow penetrative sex at some reasonable frequency even if she doesn't necessarily feel like it. She gives it to him because she wants him to have it.
