I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[newmama]

Thanks WN for your thoughts! OK let me respond and see what you think. Or others. You can challenge me, it's fine! This is soooo freakin' hard!!!!!

When he said he was uncertain, the reason why I didn't say "let's make this work! what are you doing???" is because

1) I have told him that I wanted to save the marriage every time he brought up D in the last year (like 4 times) and again I told him in March. I didn't tell him in April when he told me he has thought about it and wants a divorce.

Thus, I figured he knows what I want.

2)I figured it was too late. He signed the lease. He filed the papers. He was moving in 1 week. I figured it would be unrealistic of me to think he would not want to do this.

3)I thought "you are such an idiot. you are so weak! you are also THROWING ME AWAY WHILE YOU HAVE DOUBTS!" Meaning I am disposable between him and OW. Meaning "well, I could lose newmama in this...but I will divorce her anyway and just throw chance to the wind. I am sure she will be there if I change my mind." It just pissed me off! And HURT! worse than when he left me to begin with!

So I wanted him to actually feel the consequences of his decision.

That is emotional and not what is best, I know.

About speaking to his family- I did speak to his sister. He doesn't listen to his family and never has. So I don't know if it would do any good. I did think about talking to his mom. Maybe that is what the dream was about. I have his grandma's number- she wanted me to take S down to visit them but they live 5 hours away. I haven't called her back.

And stbxh has been living with OW since April of 2009 but I guess the difference is that he got to live far away from his family and me so maybe it was not realistic.

Oh and I guess the other reason why I didn't tell him again that I wanted to save our marriage is that I am tired of being the one who is trying to convince him. I am tird of being the only one who is FIGHTING for this family. I want him to want it.

Not that any of the reasons why I didn't fight more or plead or beg are "right." I am just saying that's why.

I think I might ask him a little more about the uncertainty. I need to figure out the right timing. It is unlikely by 99.9% that he will not move in with OW now.

People can always move out, though....