Hi SA...yes, I thought that "thought" was perfect and you are right...no hurry!
H and I both fell in love with this house and the huge yard and 5 yrs ago, we had an former school house/VFW Legion hall moved to our property for a huge garage! It wasn't that long ago that H built shelves and a work bench...it has a wood stove in it and all of his motocross, nascar etc etc memorabilia in it! It housed his motorcycle, dirtbikes, hot rod and stuff! OW's house has a single car garage.
You have a good weekend too!
We both love big old houses and the beginning of 2009, we were looking at home improvement stores for new kitchen ideas...
LOL SA...you got me on a roll!!! sigh
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
CW - take your time...great idea....there is no rush, right?
And yes - they are walking away from responsibilities...or just pick and choose which ones they want to keep. It's all part of the "I want to feel young and free" motto they all seem to want to go by now.
My D just shared with me that her dad told her how much he misses our back-yard and relaxing by the pool....That was a little insight that he would never have shared with me...but told D....so they do miss things.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
My D just shared with me that her dad told her how much he misses our back-yard and relaxing by the pool....That was a little insight that he would never have shared with me...but told D....so they do miss things.
Mila, My wife has told me she misses.....
Being Mom Being Wife Her Cats Her Patio and porch swing (I built it for specifically for her) Dancing with Me Our friends
At some point they do realize the "life" they had was not all that bad, and that life in general has its ups and downs and is not really dependent on who you are married to.
Sometimes, well statistics tell us most of the time, they realize too late because the LBS has moved on.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
they realize too late because the LBS has moved on
Yes, I've been reading the same statistics. And I must tell you that lately I've been hearing stories of that happening all around me. Whenever I talk to someone about what I'm going through with H, I hear a story about someone they know, that did the same thing as H and then wanted to come back...and it was too late. Just in the last month I must have heard about that kind of outcome at least 5 times.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Mila, In the beginning I sought out advice from one of my friends whose wife did the same thing as mine and his wife came back to him and wanted to work it on the M about 9 months after the bomb. He had moved on and was out dating the world which IMO was a mistake, he just broke up with his girlfriend of 18 months. Now I don't think he is so happy. I know his W is not happy and their kids definitely aren't.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Got to the street dance last night and my friedn, who's H works at the same place as my H says "it is going around H's workplace that you have a boyfriend and a drinking problem". She wasn't sure if it was H or OW who said it...doesn't matter...
LMAO off at the boyfriend one.
Drinking, well, H and I were doing that, weekends, sitting in the garage listening to music and when we camped, we'd drink. We both liked to have a few cold ones and I will admit that after he dropped the bomb I that there were a couple of times that I over did! My Dad was an alcoholic so I have always tried to be conscious of how much I drink...anyway, was thinking of J3B and that if it "stings"...
I still like to have a cold one now and again but nearly as much as when H was around.
Still, it did put a damper on my night...
I suppose I shouldn't confront H about this?
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Sorry that this misinformation is being spread about you. If I recall correctly, don't you live in/near a smaller town? I would think that if there are no sightings of you with "alleged BF", that information would also work its way through the local grapevine. Over time, word will get back that the rumor is unfounded. "Patience grasshopper".
It sounds as though you're pondering whether or not this is a battle worth fighting? or if this a situation when you need to set a firm boundary?
From my 3rd party perspective, it seems that if you choose to confront H with an issue in which you do not have concrete evidence of "the facts" (i.e. who started the rumor, what was actually said initially, and what the "town gossips" may have said to embellish the initial statement), it is probably a cheeseless tunnel. This type of confrontation would probably be counterproductive and move you farther from your goals.
IMHO, set boundaries with concrete issues (i.e. H doesn't pick up child when he says he will, H doesn't pay his share of mortgage, etc.). Setting boundaries with squishy issues (he said/she said) seems like a losing proposition.
Actions speak MUCH louder than words. Hold your head high and be the woman that you will be proud of when the smoke settles. I grew up in a very small midwestern town and I know that THIS info (how you are keeping your head high) will also get around and ultimately attract the type of people to you with whom you will want to have relationships. ..........and if there is ever a little piece of information YOU want to distribute, a good way to do that is to state it as a question to someone that you know will spread the info.
In my case, H told everyone he left because I worked too much......and I DID work too much (I didn't like it either but had no choice). When I was miraculously offered a new FT position in a different field 3 months after H left, I changed careers. Big 180 for me. After that, when I talked to people who knew H, I would tell them "I wonder why H wanted the D when I cut my work hours in half?" These people knew that H and I still interacted on a friendly basis and that I visit his mother every 2-3 weeks. They knew that I had gone the extra mile to save our M and that H and I still care for each other. Stating your point in the form of a non-threatening question allows others to draw their own conclusions.
Sorry for the short post earlier, I am at work and had to hit submit quick!
I think I am really glad that H is 40mis away!
Well, more fun today going to an antique car show here soon, home and try to get the rest of those branches to the dump and then back to the fun at the park!!! Unfortunately, it is 95 and humid...yucky!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
