Not sure what to tell you, Waterbur -- I disagree with MWD for the most part when it comes to infidelity. It's not her specialty. Most experts on infidelity -- Harley, Tupy, Glass, McGraw -- recommend a much stronger approach, and to treat the affair like an ADDICTION.
I suggest reading "NOT Just Friends," by Glass. It's the definitive work on emotional affairs.
Everything your husband says, about the "controlling," etc., is just so much infidelity SCRIPT. They ALL say that.
Is it working? Only you can be the judge of that. My advice is from the perspective that it's NOT, but all I have to go by are your posts to us here. I went by not how "nice" he's being to you, but instead your statement of "he's still moving ahead with the divorce."
