Forgive me if this has been brought up many times here--I have been aware that my H uses porn, and we have always had what I thought was a sex-starved marriage (10 times a year or less).
I am not *against* porn, per se, if the R is otherwise healthy.
I have had a C that said it is cheating, and then I have had a few friens that say it's not. I like the "hard hitting" approach that goes on over here (that is why I'm asking here, and not in the SS forum--they have a different approach that I have tried now for about 5 years.lol. It ain't working!)
My H has become increasingly disrespectful, and as of now, it's been 5 months since he's even touched me. A 180 for me is to stop being a doormat and create some sort of boundary.
Would you approach porn like cheating?
Not sure if I am the best person to answer since I've only been around a short while compared to some of the experts here... but, I would to some degree, yes, given your H's behavior towards you!
Anything that is negatively affecting your R has to be addressed and cut out like cancer - the sooner the better. Don't wait until things worsen before you take action.
People having varying opinions on porn, I know. Some people find it acceptable, others don't. I was brought up in a religious home and I still have a hard time with rated R movies these days much less anything harder. (Having said that, I'm no prude in the bedroom where I feel anything goes between a H and W.)
Definitely stop being a doormat! Definitely set some boundaries and tell your H you feel this porn stuff has become an addiction/is negatively affecting your M/is unacceptable. Not knowing your SS background, maybe this porn stuff is a coping mechanism for H. BUT... it doesn't matter - it's still going outside your M to fix the problem rather than addressing it within the M.
