Sorry that this misinformation is being spread about you. If I recall correctly, don't you live in/near a smaller town? I would think that if there are no sightings of you with "alleged BF", that information would also work its way through the local grapevine. Over time, word will get back that the rumor is unfounded. "Patience grasshopper".
It sounds as though you're pondering whether or not this is a battle worth fighting? or if this a situation when you need to set a firm boundary?
From my 3rd party perspective, it seems that if you choose to confront H with an issue in which you do not have concrete evidence of "the facts" (i.e. who started the rumor, what was actually said initially, and what the "town gossips" may have said to embellish the initial statement), it is probably a cheeseless tunnel. This type of confrontation would probably be counterproductive and move you farther from your goals.
IMHO, set boundaries with concrete issues (i.e. H doesn't pick up child when he says he will, H doesn't pay his share of mortgage, etc.). Setting boundaries with squishy issues (he said/she said) seems like a losing proposition.
Actions speak MUCH louder than words. Hold your head high and be the woman that you will be proud of when the smoke settles. I grew up in a very small midwestern town and I know that THIS info (how you are keeping your head high) will also get around and ultimately attract the type of people to you with whom you will want to have relationships. ..........and if there is ever a little piece of information YOU want to distribute, a good way to do that is to state it as a question to someone that you know will spread the info.
In my case, H told everyone he left because I worked too much......and I DID work too much (I didn't like it either but had no choice). When I was miraculously offered a new FT position in a different field 3 months after H left, I changed careers. Big 180 for me. After that, when I talked to people who knew H, I would tell them "I wonder why H wanted the D when I cut my work hours in half?" These people knew that H and I still interacted on a friendly basis and that I visit his mother every 2-3 weeks. They knew that I had gone the extra mile to save our M and that H and I still care for each other. Stating your point in the form of a non-threatening question allows others to draw their own conclusions.
