Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Thanks Ken. I'm so sorry to hear about your sitch. Maybe one day your W will realize what she's missing with you and come around. I can understand your W communicating about financials but it does seem strange she's following you on FB. Seems like most times the A doesn't last.

I'll be honest, I'm not sure what to do next in my sitch? It doesn't seem like the DBing is having any effect...or is it? Don't get me wrong, it's great and all that, it helps us GAL and become better people. However, my main goal is and always has been to save my M.

Difficult to know if it's working or not. I guess I'm basing it on the fact that W has not contacted me other than for house updates. She hasn't done anything else towards D but she just might be waiting until the one year is up. Don't know if I should take that as a good sign or not? I feel like I'm on the clock trying to do whatever I can during this time. There have been small (very small) positive things over the past few months but not sure if it means anything or not?

I would love to think she checks up on me too. I'm not sure how she would go about that though? I do see her brother twice a week but we don't talk about W. I don't tell him much of my life either because I think it would look like I'm purposely trying to send information to W through him.

Everyone's sitch is different and different things work for different people. Some of my firends that have gone through the same sitch have either left their spouse alone or some have tried to write letters of apology and then try to talk. Both have had successes and failures. I've been leaving W alone for a long time now. I struggle with continuing to leave her alone or trying to reach out at some point? I don't know what to do anymore. I'm lost. I guess I would have an easier time of this if I knew there were legitimate reasons to D. However, the truth is there isn't. Sure, if I didn't change then I could understand it but I believe I have become everything and more of what W wanted from me in our M. If there was OM then I could understand it. I wouldn't like it but at least it would be a reason that gave some explanation.

I look back at my journal of when W and I met back in January to talk about dividing things. She was so angry. It was a "quiet" anger if that makes any sense. She was keeping calm but you could tell she held a lot of anger and resentment and probably hurt feelings. Her wall was way up that day. I stood my ground that day and it was tough to be that way to someone you love but I knew I needed to.

I think she's so afraid to talk to me. I think she's afraid I will talk her into something she's not ready for. This is all a guess on my part because I don't know for sure...she tells me nothing. You would think that I was the worst H in the world. I'd like to get her to go to C with me so maybe a neutral person might help bring this sitch back into reality. I think my W has convinced herself that our M was this awful thing and it certainly wasn't.

Anyway, I'm just rambling on again. Thanks again Ken for your support. I'm still trying to hang in there. Not sure if I should send her my letter of apology or not? Maybe she wants to hear this from me and what I have to say first?

Sandi, I haven't heard from you in awhile. I have a question for you if you don't mind. In your opinion is this normal that my W still has not talked to me about M in these 8 1/2 months? Could her resentment, anger, hurt feelings, still be so strong at this time? What should I do? Continue to wait and give her more time or reach out to her? What would you have wanted at this point in your sitch? Would you have wanted your H to sincerely apologize or would it have not made any difference in your mind at the time? Thanks and I hope you are well.