Do I need to stand more firm (be more in her face) in opposition of her having any type of relationship outside our marriage. I've already told her I would give her space to help herself, but I would not stand for her pursuing another relationships right now...and that if she did, I would file for divorce myself.
Well here's the thing, the two of you are S and you have told her you are giving her space. So with that statement you need to back wayyyyy off and leave her alone. I suggest no contact initiated by you. I would be watchful of friendly chatting induced by her and always have a backup plan to tell her you have to go, you are busy, etc. If she asks what or where....you quickly say, "I've got to go, bye". You do not give her the honor of telling her what/who/when of your plans. That not only makes you unavailable to her but puts mystery in it.
As far as getting in her face is concerned.....I think it is better to show a calm strength about yourself. You lay the boundary ONCE and if she disrepects it, then you don't "remind" her what it was.....you act on it.
You have told her already that if she pursues another R at this time, you will file for D. Now I want to warn you.....she probably will. What would be the point of her wanting to live alone? She thinks she can keep her A with OM under cover and dangle you on the other line. You actually gave her more of an ultimatim that a boundary buy since you've told her that.....she would need to see you stand by what you say, so be careful what you throw out there.
I think MWD supports being friends when the S leaves. I just have a different point of view. I think she should feel the sting of living without you. If she loses the friendship factor, and begins to feel a void with you out of her life then it should cause her to start seeing reality more clearly instead of the fantasy she's trying to live in.
I think you should politely tell her that you appreciate her attempts at trying to find job postings,but that you will handle it.
I think when she left you money on the pillow, she truly wanted to do that for you.....without any embarrassment in front of your friends (that's why she left it on the bed instead of the kitchen or somewhere they might notice). W's forget how this makes a man feel worse...not better.
Quote:
I'm going to respectfully thank her for the money, but give it back and suggest we use it to buy food for our puppy instead of beer for me...but aside from that...I don't know how I should respond/react to this gesture!
That's a great idea. Just wait untill she asks how the weekend went and then tell her.
The desert, etc., is an attempt to keep an emotional line connected to you. She wants "reminders" left around the house so you'll have to continue to rememer her. When friends ask about the desert, then she figures you'll have to tell them where it came from and then that will start a conversation about the stitch.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
