Thank you everyone for your thoughts and suggestions smile I'm having a good day, although exhausted!! Had S4s bday party this morning, H came too, insisted on coming, its a bit awkward obviously because some of my friends there know the situation, I did well at setting aside the discomfort and rather enjoying the time there with the other moms & friends and watching S have a BALL.

I put H on camera duty so as not to feel like a spare wheel, didnt want him to feel uncomfortable.
He didnt seem to be, and if he was, he was hiding it well. All in all it was a good party, H seemed relaxed by the end of it, all smiles and laughs. Me too.

We are at the stage where we are getting comfortable-ish around eachother, but I wonder if we are both 'putting it on'? That feels weird?I still feel a little apprehensive, closed off, because we havn't spoken about emotions in about 6 months(no R talk)
But I feel strange 'pretending' nothing happened. Acting 'AS IF'.
Just weird. If you were looking at us from the outside you'd swear that nothing happened , and we got on well. I suppose I just feel a bit of a fraud, but I know thats the way I'm supposed to be acting. As if his leaving was no big deal.

I do however KNOW I'll be just dandy on my own without him , this I feel in my heart, which is such a relief.

But still I feel weird frown The urge to ignore him completely and show him the pain he caused me can be overwhelming.

And I dont know if my 'as iffing' is all in vein. He's always said he hopes we can still be friends, and I feel like he feels thats just what he's getting. Not that I want to be mean to him. Am I making ANY sense at all.

Whats progress and whats not?

M 31, H 34