While you IC is trying to be helpful and give you facts...
Facts based on statistics (which are able to be manipulated), based on results of what people say in IC (if everything was fine in your M and life, would you even be in counseling?)
I honestly do not know if it is something to even really worry about.
The truth of the matter is, if your H strays, comes and goes, he may or may not do it again.
If you met someone new, whose history you know nothing about, that person may or may not exhibit the exact same behavior your H has.
The ONLY way to protect yourself from it, is to make the choice to remain ALONE for the rest of your life.
While it is helpful to be aware of the possibilities, you can't let them and fear rule your decisions.
If you wanted a puppy but you knew it would more than likely pee on the floor, would that stop you from getting it?
Probably not...
If I had not allowed my H to come back after his first crisis, I would have missed out on a lot of good years and good times that did occur between his crisis. While I have made the choice to not reunite with him this time (if he were to ever want that), it is not based on the fact that this happened more than once. That really was not a factor in my decision at all.
While I am afraid that it could happen again, that I get cheated on and left again, I also have refused to let that fear screw up my new R. While it has reared its ugly head and tried very hard, and I have whined my way through those fears to a great degree (TY to my friends who have listened to me and smacked me when I've needed it), I have faith that even if it happens, I am more than strong enough to survive it and eventually thrive again. It is the risk that I am willing to take to love someone and allow them to love me.
So really, it isn't about the signifigant other in my life, but about me. What risks I am willing to take with my heart. Which fears I am willing to allow to control me and which fears I refuse to let take hold.
So the choice is yours, is this a fear that you are going to let dictate your decisions or are you going to look it in the eyes, acknowledge the possibilities, and be willing to take the risk anyway?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
