I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[newmama]

It is sad. I am going thru the same thing right now. There is no escaping the sadness.

NM- don't pack up his stuff for him. He wants the D..let him sift thru all your memories along with you...it is painful. I have been crying for two days...brief..hard cries that come out of left field.

The problem is that at this point, I feel strongly that I have to FACE this and deal with it or else I will be stuck in misery longer. He took his time deciding to divorce me so I can see him taking his time to come and get the stuff and it is holding me back from detaching! And like BobbiJo said- seeing his stuff around the house is just hard...it is a reminder that he isn't here.

Start thinking about how you can make some changes to the house to make it feel like yours..instead of 'ours'. Maybe some new paint colors, add some plants, move the furniture around.

Totally! I want to get a new comforter and change the bedroom for one. I have other ideas but also am not planning on living in the house for longer than another year so it doesn't seem worth it to me to repaint certain rooms. But I can decorate differently! Dang- I wish I hadn't blown my savings on who knows what. I still have 50% left but I think subconsciously I really thought we would reconcile!

Keeping busy is a great thing...but allow yourself the opportunity to just cry.
I think we might be on the same wavelength!

I admire all the women/men that are left caring for children while going thru this process. I can become a shut-in..eat ice cream 3x a day...and sit in silence while not at work...and it is still awful some days. It shows such great strength...putting others needs before your own...wearing a smile on your face when you just feel like crying. It should make you feel good.

Thank you. But I won't lie...I have cried in front of S. Luckily he is a baby. I feel guilty because I remember telling my SIL (when she was devestated from her divorce)to find the strength to not break down in front of her boys. They were 7 and 8 at the time. Now I see that there are times when it just overwhelms you and it doesn't matter where you are or what you are doing- you will cry! Fortunately, I was motivated to get help via anti-depressants and counseling. It has helped a lot!

Interesting article about the rebound relationship...I guess it depends on what issues existed in the R that you are exiting. If you haven't had time to reflect on them...you are just going to carry them over to the next one. If you haven't had time to heal from the previous R pain...something in the new R may trigger a stronger emotional reaction than what's warranted.

I think this is what Kat was referring to. And I was curious about the article but it was $30! I dont' think so. Just the fact that some research out there said "rebounding isn't necessarily a bad thing" was suprising to me so I posted it here!

On the flip side, it is nice to have someone admire you and long for you after such a period of rejection...a companion..someone to share your day/life with. It is even nicer to be able to not have that and still feel good and satisfied.

lola, like you did, I am going to write a list of affirmations this weekend. One being "I am complete all by myself." "I am responsible for my own happiness." The strange thing is that although logically I know that I won't be alone forever, I keep picturing my future as ME and MY SON...half the time. I don't know where this visual is coming from!