Why, when I should be so excited and happy and living for my son's arrival, am I so overwhelmed with great sadness. Why am i back to feeling sorry for myself or for the baby and his sucky father! Why is it I tried to get strong for this and now i feel so weak...
Two days ago, i was ready for the baby to come out! today I hope he stays inside for a couple more months whle I get my act togetehr.
i can not believe I am bringing a baby into a world of such sadness and anger and hatred. i know this is all up to me! I am fully responsible for everything. I dreamt my whole life of being pregnant with WH. I dreamt of him talking to my belly, and being with me at the birth, and walking into our home with our baby and raising a family together. Nothing is how WE dreamt it to be, NOTHING. i cant seem to shake it off.
I believe in energies and am so sad to realize this baby will be born in a world of divorce. With his father who never loved his mother. A mother who today despises his father. Grandparents and aunt/uncles who are so saddened by the situation that they dont know how to fix the pain and fulfill the loss. And despite what they say look at the baby with sadness instead of 100% pure joy. Amazing the family and friends who have drifted away... and send a random post on FB but never care to really see whats going on. Relatives who are angry if I allow WH to be apart of son's life (including that of WH's) and those who are praying for miracles (and i want that to stop ASAP). This baby will forever be the boy who's father left his mother when she was pregnant. And he will be different because of that. Everyone will always treat him so... more attention or more material gifts do not make up for the fact that his father is a bastard. People dont seem to get that.
Why when we should be spending time enjoying our last weeks as a couple w/o kids and loving each other, am I home crying and sobbing and wishing this wasnt my life.
Why am I so sad when i should be happy about the baby
