Tons to do and not much time so here goes a quickie:
1)Nathan still has a fever. This morning it is around 102. Ugh. Time to fill that Rx his doctor wrote for him. Would not/could not eat breakfast, said his throat hurt. Was begging to go to neighbor's garage sale and get a toy. We barely got there (4 houses up the hill from us) and he was almost crying his belly hurt he might throw up, so we grabbed a toy gun and left. (Sydney got an unopened Barbie for $1, nice!)
2)Found out Dan's mom had retirement party at work yesterday and she mentioned Dan ran down to go to it so that was where he was when his office couldn't find him. Typical, he didn't want to ask for time off so he just 'disappeared'. He dropped kids off this morning on the way to work. Then came back 10 minutes later with a load of their stuff from his trunk. I walked out to see why he came back and as he was unpacking he was chewing out an employee: "You need to find out where the f@ck that meat is and get the g*d-d@mn truck wherever the sh!t it is supposed to be", something like that. I would NOT enjoy having him for a boss!!
3)My good luck streak continues. Nathan still has fever. Last night I had to go to the eye doc on the way to working the baseball game (ticket taker for HS boys' baseball). Nathan had to come along as Dan was not off work yet. Well went in for my contact check-up as I got new ones last week at my annual appointment. Was in there 10 minutes and came out to a flat tire. Dan was expecting me to be at b-ball at 5:00 so I texted to tell him I had a flat at eye doc and was running behind. Then called Athletic Director, then tire store!
Tire guy came, filled up my tire, I followed him to the store. Got out and it was hissing madly. Ugh! So he gave Nathan and I a ride to the ball game and I left my car there. They are putting 2 new tires on the front while it's there, I needed it done but kept procrastinating. Maybe this was God's way of saying "Wake up! Take care of your tires!" Last time I let them get too bald I had a blowout. Not good...
4)Last night Dan picked up Nathan from ball field at 6:00. He had texted earlier to see if I needed help with flat tire but I told him I had it covered. By 6:30 he texted again, "When do you think you will be done" I thought he was going to offer to give me a ride, as I planned to walk home from the ball field. I didn't answer...
Nope! He texted again, "I will have to go back into work. We just got cleared to trade with China." For those not in the meat industry, China has a block on all meat trade with North America and has for awhile because of Bovine spongiform encephalopathy, commonly known as Mad Cow.
Anyway China just gave Canada clearance to trade I guess. Dan followed up that text with 5 texts in a row that were apparently some sort of new article/press release on the issue. Not sure if he thought I didn't believe him, if he wanted to show off, or if he wanted me to know more about it?
I didn't reply so then a few minutes later he sent, "I really need to try to go back in and mom and dad are out of town and my house is not fit for a sitter."
Finally I replied, "Good for you guys. Not sure when I will be done here as game started late." Our official was stuck at College World Series in Omaha.
As I got home at 8:00 he texted, "Never mind." I replied, "Took too long for you? I had plans." He replied, "No not that." I didn't reply so not sure what happened. Maybe he figured out the kids are HIS responsibility when he has them!!
After dropping kids off this morning while swearing in a rant at his employee, Dan texted me. "Nathan needs a breathing treatment he was coughing all night long."
Well, maybe he needs to buy a nebulizer for his house? Glad he let him cough all night long. When he picked him up Wednesday I asked if he had Tylenol at his house, he said no but they would go buy some. Seriously, make your home suitable for your kids!
Anyway I gave Nathan his treatment. Then tire place called a bit ago, car was ready, two new tires. I had no way to get there so called my mom and she came to pick us up.
Dan called while I was with her.
"Hello?" he says in a confused tone of voice. Later I gathered it was bc we were out and not at home where he felt we should be. (eye roll)
I said hello. He asked how Nathan was. I said still running fever, didn't want to eat. He asked why we were out then? Grr. I said I had to get my car so I have a vehicle in case he gets worse...
Anyway he said Nathan shouldn't go to the game tonight if he was still sick and he worried he may have strep throat since he couldn't eat today. Then he asked if I found out whether they had the game Monday or if it was rained out. I said I didn't know (truth is I knew they had it but I knew that would piss him off)...he said if the game was held Monday then that meant Nathan missed two games.
I said, "Well he is sick we can't help that and if they had a game Monday he was sick then." He replies, "Yeah but he went swimming for two days."
GRR! No-win with him. If we didn't go anywhere then Nathan is not getting exercise...I take him somewhere and he suddenly gets sick, I was wrong to take him. Whatever.
I said I had to go and hung up.
Once I was in my own car I called him back (mom was driving kids in her car). I said, "So I found out they did have the game, so he missed it. However he would have been sick anyway. So yes he will miss two games. Were you just wanting that information so you could be pissed because I don't see the point in that."
He backpedaled a little and said, "Just keep him inside all day and make him rest."
Dumb.Ass.
Seriously some kids took family vacation and missed two games because of that. It is 6-8 year old Pony League not Major League Baseball. I honestly expected he would want him to go tonight...
Ok, first....asshat doesn't even begin to cover it but we'll stick with that language for now.
Second....he's giving you orders on how to treat your children? He doesn't even have the basics for children't medicines in his house and 'it's not fit for a sitter' and yet he is giving you orders? No, not right, not even close to right. GAG!
How is Sydney doing? She hasn't started to catch anything has she?
Seriously, I have no idea how you do it. I've been blessed that Marc has never been sick. Autistic, yes, sick with all the common illnesses, no. I hope that doesn't mean he'll be a sickly adult. That would not be good.
How's the Insanity workout going?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Honestly I have missed a week now of Insanity between going to Kansas City and taking care of Nathan. I am sure Dan does not realize nor appreciate that yesterday was 'his' day and yet I had Nathan will me all day until 6:00 at night, then had to work the baseball game until 8. So I got a few hours to work on projects before midnight, other than that I forfeited my 'free' day. Today I have both kids with me bc Nathan is too sick to go to Kids Place and I just told him to give me both kids for the day. Tonight is his night but I will have the kids until he gets here bc his parents are out of town...
I am not complaining really because Nathan is my baby and if he is sick I would rather have him than give him to Dan's parents anyway. But I do jump in and help him a lot more than he realizes. I think it sinks in on raaaaaaaare occasion, like a week or so ago when he texted he was "Sorry for everything."
Yet at other times he chews me out for dumbass reasons. He cheated on me repeatedly, walked out on me/moved out not once but TWICE, and yet I never blow up at him. But he feels justified getting all pissed at me for little piddly things?!
The past couple days I have really wanted to give him a piece of my mind and set him straight on how things are going to be. I don't think just blowing off/ignoring his requests (demands?) for help are going to cut it...
Weighing pros/cons of unloading on him...not sure if it will make me feel better or just make me feel more like him.
Listening to him on the phone this morning reinforces my feelings that he treats me like another employee vs. an equal, a co-parent. Difference being I can b!tch back at him and not get fired.
Listen buddy. You cheated on me and I took you back because I still loved you and wanted our family to be together. You cheated on me again five years later, and again I was willing to take you back and work on our marriage. However, you repaid me by walking out again five months later.
And how did I respond?
Did I go to your work and expose you and ow to your bosses and try to get you fired? No. In fact, I chose to go to events with you after the fact to keep up appearances so you wouldn't get fired.
Did I gossip about you to any family member or friend who would listen to me? No. In fact, I never told anyone that you left me, except my parents and siblings, for SEVEN months!!! And now 18 months later I still haven't told anybody that you cheated on me, except my parents and siblings who already knew.
Did I throw out all your stuff, break your CDs, make a bonfire in the yard? No. I thoughtfully and carefully packed things up for you. Not just clothes. I organized all of your banking, truck, cattle, 401(k) and insurance papers and gave them to you. I made you your own photo albums with pictures of the kids using the duplicate prints we had. I packed up half of our kitchenware so the kids would have familiar cereal bowls and cups. I even gave you the fancy waffle iron you bought the kids so you could have nice breakfasts at your house. Hell, I packed up half the kids' clothes and toys and books so you wouldn't have to buy new ones and they would have things they were comfortable with in their new home. I even brought toothbrushes and detangler and pony tail holders for Sydney!!
Did I stand in your way of moving on? No. In fact I signed the release papers when you closed on the house so you could get the mortgage without my name on it. I told you I wanted you to keep the cattle and the tools and the farm equipment. I chose not to hire the forensic accountant even after my attorney suggested that I should. Even though I have no idea how much money you spent on Stephanie or other women over the years, or how much money is tied up in your partnerships with Doug and Charlie on the cattle business.
Did I try to interfere or mess up your relationship with your kids? No. When you first moved out I welcomed you into our home in Kansas City on the weekends. I made dinners, cleaned up, did laundry, and tried to make sure the kids were rested and ready to play with you. Once we got to Iowa and you moved back in, then moved out, for over a year I let you come to my house any time day or night to be with the kids since you didn't have a home for them to stay with you. When you wanted to be alone with them, that was fine. When you wanted me to go places with you, I did. I often made dinner and had you over for family time, dinner, movie, popcorn, etc with the kids.
Have I tried to embarrass you in our hometown? No. I have not said a bad word about you to anyone. When you have come to church we have always sat together, I have not argued with you in front of anyone, I have gone to lunch and dinner with you around town and never told anyone why we got divorced.
Have I cut off your family? No. When your parents want time with the kids, I give them that time whenever possible, unless I already have plans. I give our nieces birthday and graduation gifts, because after 18 years, I will always consider them my nieces, not just yours. I still have the kids get your parents gifts for holidays, even this past mother's day/father's day, after we were officially divorced.
And how do you return the favor?
You do give me very generous financial supposrt and I appreciate that.
But you also treat me like an employee or an underling. You tell me how to raise the kids, how to play with them, how to do everything.
Funny you got on me so bad when Nathan missed his medicine but then tell me you are out of refills for his prescription and need to borrow a few pills from me.
Did I yell at you and belittle you? No, I gave you some pills. You tell me you don't know why I let the kids stay up late and then they are calling me from your house at 10:30.
You are quite clearly miserable and angry at the world and much of the time you choose to direct that anger at me. Now that I have backed off giving you unconditional support you are pissed. You expected me to tell Kids Place when you wanted the kids there for day care? How did I know your plans? I asked you five times via email and text in the weeks before school got out and you refused to answer me. You call me late at night when I am out and assume I am home to run you over some medicine for Nathan? Really? Am I supposed to spend the rest of my life making sure things run smoothly for you even though you give no regard to how my life is going? Honestly that appears to be your plan.
Guess what? Despite your protests to the contrary, you HAD a wife who supported you and loved you and tried her best to make a happy home for you and our kids. I made mistakes along the way but the intent in my heart was always genuine. You can get mad and bitch and moan and accuse me of anything you want, but we both know the truth:
I was here. For 12 years of marriage I never cheated on you, I never left you, I never gave up on you. You are the one who walked away. So stop the b.s. of throwing your fits at me. You screwed me over, not the other way around. I have had every right to blow up at you and I haven't, so stop chewing my ass and show me some respect. I am not your punching bag to blow off steam when you are stressed and then you turn around and try to pretend nothing happened.
Wow! I love it and think you should send it. But then I was a horrible DBer.. since my H and I are not together and whenever I try to set boundries he gets nasty!
Wow! I love it and think you should send it. But then I was a horrible DBer.. since my H and I are not together and whenever I try to set boundries he gets nasty!
Thanks W2G. Nice to hear from one of my first DB friends!
Well I haven't sent it but I think I will read it to my counselor whenever we meet next. Feels good just to get it off my chest. Plus I figure it will give her some insight into my current emotional state which can help her, help me....
Well I was just mean to Dan in an unexpected way...he came to pick up kids, Nathan asked if he wanted to see our pics from Great Wolf. He said sure, not that he had a choice! So I got the digital camera out, he looked through the pics and had tears in his eyes. Guess he doesn't like seeing me and the kids having so much fun and looking so happy without him! I actually noticed (and mentally noted) during the trip how peaceful it was, even with Nathan getting sick.
There was no one trying to control the schedule and make sure everything was done just so. We swam however long we felt like it, didn't have to worry that we were 'wasting time' resting in the room or walking around the hotel looking at things instead of all swim, all the time. Once Nathan got sick nobody blamed anybody for him being sick or criticized me for how I chose to get his medicine and take care of him. Just..........calm. And nice. All three of us cuddled in my queen bed even though I paid $25 to upgrade us to the room with bunk beds. And I didn't care! We sat together in bed and watched a documentary on the birth and growth of Pixar and had a great time, stayed up till midnight.
Oh and tonight as Dan tried to leave Sydney started bawling she didn't want to go to Daddy's, she wanted Mommy. I am sure that cut like a knife. I know she was tired and needed a nap and didn't mean it to be cruel, but I could tell he was hurt.
Ok off to finish mowing the lawn. With a heat index of 105* and a real temp of 90*. Yay!
Be very careful in that heat BBJ. People get heat stroke that way. Lots of water!
Honestly, I love everything you wrote. Definitely show it to your C and then.......I'm such a devil.....I'd send the danged thing! No edits...send it! Don't EVER edit your own feelings.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I think you should send the letter because it puts you back in your power and sets some boundaries. Dan keeps beating you up because you take it. It's time to kindly, unemotionally shine the light of truth on his B.S. Your tone and everything in that letter was very even, just the facts. Nothing wrong with saying your piece. Just detach from the outcome, and say it for yourself, not because you think Dan will (or won't) react in any particular way.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Be very careful in that heat BBJ. People get heat stroke that way. Lots of water!
Honestly, I love everything you wrote. Definitely show it to your C and then.......I'm such a devil.....I'd send the danged thing! No edits...send it! Don't EVER edit your own feelings.
Being someone who has been lurking from the East coast and following you and your sitch for some time, I don't find anything wrong with what Mishka has suggested.
There's a Helen Reddy song that is very appropriate:
