Thanks NM. I do believe in the Secret. But I feel like everything is out of my control, and nothing i want to attract to me is happening. Who knows... maybe deep inside i dont want H back? Who am I kidding.
Maybe I need to start a new vision board. One for me and my son and the dog too of course! Maybe I need to start thinking differently.
i know all of our sitches are different but I cant help but see that you tried so darn hard, and allowed your WH into your life and son's life. I commend you for all of your efforts. And now seeing how your WH (creep) is moving in with OW and filed for D, makes me realize that they have their minds made up and just are waiting for the 'right time'. I look at Piano's and see the same creep. I read so many other sitches on here and WH leave 2, 3, 4, 5 children, and families and still nothing. i think i have enough signs pointing in my face to say hey! get over it!
Sad enough is that I cant even lean on my mom, as I usually do. She is going through so much and well, in times when I need her the most, she tends to put her head up her ass(excuse my french) and cant see where she is going! She tends to make this all about her... that I am not accepting her bc of what my WH did to me... really... get a life!
I sometimes wish that I would go into labot and tell the doctors that my WH and family are all unreachable and have no one to help and have the nursing staff be there for me! It would be the same thing really... i swear i think hospitals should offer it! Dont have the money for a doula, i went down that road.
DLS, he hasnt officially started living the single life for several reasons: -still studying for boards -doesnt have any income -job starts in August -tell him all the time as soon as he has two cents in his pocket he will have a whore on his hip
What he like about being single... there is no me! he doesnt care about being a single part-time dad. Fully accepts that this is what he bargained for when he decided to leave. That this is part of the deal. When I say you will not be a part of this or that, he says i understand you need to do what it takes to be away from me. He accepts that he will not have the baby in his life same as if we were a family. He just wants the milk, not the whole damn cow!
Did I mention that when H dropped the bomb on me I found out in the same night his former best friend (who I dislike for various reasons) left his wife too. Let's call him Bill. Bill cheated on his wife and left her when they were struggling with IVF. Nice guy right. I found this all out the same night. Guess my WH decided it sounded like a good plan. Not an excuse, he is responsible for his own actions! now the two Divorce Idiots hang out with another old friend who's wife left him months before and is also go through a divorce, along with a few other SINGLE guys... My WH didnt leave me just because... a 31 year old man doesnt want to be single for any other reason than to be with other women. WH swears he hasnt been with anyone... really dont buy it! If he hasnt its bc of his own selfish reasons, such as if I found out I'd probably never let him see his son. So im guessing when the baby is born, he feels I will be distracted and too busy, and then she will come flying out of his pocket, like How the heck did she get there! And once the 6 figure salary comes pouring in and no more time to spend studying, I know very well, that H will have a whole new life. I've said this all to him... he doesnt deny it... gives me the whole, you think too much about the future! Yeah buddy, well you obviously do too! bc you left! like your house was on fire!!!!
I hate him today! I did really good! no calls no texts and he kept calling and texting and annouying the hell out of me! i finally answered bc he was painting the baby's room (long story paint is not working out) and one sentence leads to another, i start crying, telling him how he effd up my life and the baby. and he tells me i'm crazy, and other than that doesnt say two words! He then texts me to stop berating him! Im not berating him... I am simply going over what he did. Its not my fault he feels guilty and awful for what he did! So he doesnt like being reminded! Oh well! I am reminded every single day!
I have a son now who will remind me every day for the rest of my life that he was made out of lies. That while I wanted to bring a child into a world of family, and love and peace, and thought he was created out of love, my WH was lying to me. He is a symbol of how my WH lied and got me PG when he didnt love me and knew he was leaving.
So when he first painted the room, it looked great. he spent time taping up the existing wood trims and when we peeled the tape off realized he was given two batched of paint that didnt match so there were streaks! toay he repainted and didnt tape the walls or trims or ceiling and the room now looks awful. So i sent him a text (scold me if you want I dont care) and told him he did an awful job. He half-assed the room. his response, it will wash off. Oh yeah! just like that paint washed off white wood trimming. Why didnt I think of that! Why I am so angry is bc he spends so much time taping up his hockey skates every week, outlines chapters after chapter in textbooks so neatly and organized, and then something like this was done like crap!
Now I did complement him when he did the painting the first time! I actually told him to leave it bc he did such a great job. I was highly impressed.
So we have been fighting off and on for 5 days now.
i blocked him numbers so that he can not call me. he is probably happy, but i need him to just shut up and stay away and stop calling me and texting me for stupid Sh!t. he finds dumb reasons to communicate and then gets into how is work, or how was your day and stupid me is not strong enough to just say ok and leave it at that! So i ramble and start crying!
