I don't know why this fool is so intent on being single when he has fine "Babydoll" as a wife, it sounds like he's going to father his child, but why make it more difficult trying to life the single life?
Doesn't he want the best for his child? Also Babydoll says the husbands needs are more than met within their relationship, why is he needing to feel "single". Is it some group he's trying to please or something?
The title of your thread caught my eye because I have recently read a book called Getting Back Together (2nd edition), and it has highly focused information about separation and reconciliation. It's a great read. In it, there are two facts that you might find interesting. One, 80% of married couples separate for 2 months or more at some point in their marriage. Two, 14% of couples who divorce remarry each other.
I don't know if this might help you, but it certainly gave me hope when I was feeling particularly down. Thinking of you
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Thanks NM. I do believe in the Secret. But I feel like everything is out of my control, and nothing i want to attract to me is happening. Who knows... maybe deep inside i dont want H back? Who am I kidding.
Maybe I need to start a new vision board. One for me and my son and the dog too of course! Maybe I need to start thinking differently.
i know all of our sitches are different but I cant help but see that you tried so darn hard, and allowed your WH into your life and son's life. I commend you for all of your efforts. And now seeing how your WH (creep) is moving in with OW and filed for D, makes me realize that they have their minds made up and just are waiting for the 'right time'. I look at Piano's and see the same creep. I read so many other sitches on here and WH leave 2, 3, 4, 5 children, and families and still nothing. i think i have enough signs pointing in my face to say hey! get over it!
Sad enough is that I cant even lean on my mom, as I usually do. She is going through so much and well, in times when I need her the most, she tends to put her head up her ass(excuse my french) and cant see where she is going! She tends to make this all about her... that I am not accepting her bc of what my WH did to me... really... get a life!
I sometimes wish that I would go into labot and tell the doctors that my WH and family are all unreachable and have no one to help and have the nursing staff be there for me! It would be the same thing really... i swear i think hospitals should offer it! Dont have the money for a doula, i went down that road.
DLS, he hasnt officially started living the single life for several reasons: -still studying for boards -doesnt have any income -job starts in August -tell him all the time as soon as he has two cents in his pocket he will have a whore on his hip
What he like about being single... there is no me! he doesnt care about being a single part-time dad. Fully accepts that this is what he bargained for when he decided to leave. That this is part of the deal. When I say you will not be a part of this or that, he says i understand you need to do what it takes to be away from me. He accepts that he will not have the baby in his life same as if we were a family. He just wants the milk, not the whole damn cow!
Did I mention that when H dropped the bomb on me I found out in the same night his former best friend (who I dislike for various reasons) left his wife too. Let's call him Bill. Bill cheated on his wife and left her when they were struggling with IVF. Nice guy right. I found this all out the same night. Guess my WH decided it sounded like a good plan. Not an excuse, he is responsible for his own actions! now the two Divorce Idiots hang out with another old friend who's wife left him months before and is also go through a divorce, along with a few other SINGLE guys... My WH didnt leave me just because... a 31 year old man doesnt want to be single for any other reason than to be with other women. WH swears he hasnt been with anyone... really dont buy it! If he hasnt its bc of his own selfish reasons, such as if I found out I'd probably never let him see his son. So im guessing when the baby is born, he feels I will be distracted and too busy, and then she will come flying out of his pocket, like How the heck did she get there! And once the 6 figure salary comes pouring in and no more time to spend studying, I know very well, that H will have a whole new life. I've said this all to him... he doesnt deny it... gives me the whole, you think too much about the future! Yeah buddy, well you obviously do too! bc you left! like your house was on fire!!!!
I hate him today! I did really good! no calls no texts and he kept calling and texting and annouying the hell out of me! i finally answered bc he was painting the baby's room (long story paint is not working out) and one sentence leads to another, i start crying, telling him how he effd up my life and the baby. and he tells me i'm crazy, and other than that doesnt say two words! He then texts me to stop berating him! Im not berating him... I am simply going over what he did. Its not my fault he feels guilty and awful for what he did! So he doesnt like being reminded! Oh well! I am reminded every single day!
I have a son now who will remind me every day for the rest of my life that he was made out of lies. That while I wanted to bring a child into a world of family, and love and peace, and thought he was created out of love, my WH was lying to me. He is a symbol of how my WH lied and got me PG when he didnt love me and knew he was leaving.
So when he first painted the room, it looked great. he spent time taping up the existing wood trims and when we peeled the tape off realized he was given two batched of paint that didnt match so there were streaks! toay he repainted and didnt tape the walls or trims or ceiling and the room now looks awful. So i sent him a text (scold me if you want I dont care) and told him he did an awful job. He half-assed the room. his response, it will wash off. Oh yeah! just like that paint washed off white wood trimming. Why didnt I think of that! Why I am so angry is bc he spends so much time taping up his hockey skates every week, outlines chapters after chapter in textbooks so neatly and organized, and then something like this was done like crap!
Now I did complement him when he did the painting the first time! I actually told him to leave it bc he did such a great job. I was highly impressed.
So we have been fighting off and on for 5 days now.
i blocked him numbers so that he can not call me. he is probably happy, but i need him to just shut up and stay away and stop calling me and texting me for stupid Sh!t. he finds dumb reasons to communicate and then gets into how is work, or how was your day and stupid me is not strong enough to just say ok and leave it at that! So i ramble and start crying!
DLS, maybe WH is just plain tired of me! i always think he has his eye on someone or just wants to be single. Wants to sleep around and live a life apart from mine. This pregnancy made him realize he really wasnt in love with me. He felt trapped and so he left before he could tell everyone we were expecting.
It was a planned accident. I dont think he really thought I'd get pregnant.
Why, when I should be so excited and happy and living for my son's arrival, am I so overwhelmed with great sadness. Why am i back to feeling sorry for myself or for the baby and his sucky father! Why is it I tried to get strong for this and now i feel so weak...
Two days ago, i was ready for the baby to come out! today I hope he stays inside for a couple more months whle I get my act togetehr.
i can not believe I am bringing a baby into a world of such sadness and anger and hatred. i know this is all up to me! I am fully responsible for everything. I dreamt my whole life of being pregnant with WH. I dreamt of him talking to my belly, and being with me at the birth, and walking into our home with our baby and raising a family together. Nothing is how WE dreamt it to be, NOTHING. i cant seem to shake it off.
I believe in energies and am so sad to realize this baby will be born in a world of divorce. With his father who never loved his mother. A mother who today despises his father. Grandparents and aunt/uncles who are so saddened by the situation that they dont know how to fix the pain and fulfill the loss. And despite what they say look at the baby with sadness instead of 100% pure joy. Amazing the family and friends who have drifted away... and send a random post on FB but never care to really see whats going on. Relatives who are angry if I allow WH to be apart of son's life (including that of WH's) and those who are praying for miracles (and i want that to stop ASAP). This baby will forever be the boy who's father left his mother when she was pregnant. And he will be different because of that. Everyone will always treat him so... more attention or more material gifts do not make up for the fact that his father is a bastard. People dont seem to get that.
Why when we should be spending time enjoying our last weeks as a couple w/o kids and loving each other, am I home crying and sobbing and wishing this wasnt my life.
Why am I so sad when i should be happy about the baby
The title of your thread caught my eye because I have recently read a book called Getting Back Together (2nd edition), and it has highly focused information about separation and reconciliation. It's a great read. In it, there are two facts that you might find interesting. One, 80% of married couples separate for 2 months or more at some point in their marriage. Two, 14% of couples who divorce remarry each other.
I don't know if this might help you, but it certainly gave me hope when I was feeling particularly down. Thinking of you
Newmama, you are too sweet! Your post wasnt gloomy. My posts are dreadful and gloomy! I feel bad sometimes bc I dont want to bring others down for their hopes and dreams. I did read similar stats like this before... but I have divorce papers in my hands remember? I think maybe I've just been in denial! Thank you for your support! Sending you a (((HUG)))
I am convinced he is not confused at all. In fact I believe he know what he wants its me who wishes he was confused. Confused doesn't file for D, or make LBS cry 6 months of her pregnancy straight through, or leave her to take care of a house and all the responsibilites along with it. WH is simply treading lightly to see how he can be involved in S's life without having to go through a custody battle.
Darls, keep posting. Good to get it out... they are creeps. I was exactly where you are now. Exactly. Ok, some minor details in our sitchs were different, but emotionally I was THERE. Don't be afraid about the baby. The baby is going to LOVE you. You are going to cherish the day he was born, because he is going to give you SO much love - not that it will take away all this sadness, but it will lessen it and you will get so much good stuff in return that you're not getting now. I also didn't want baby to come out and wanted to press pause, but beleive me, life gets better, not worse when they are out. BRING ON BABY!
I think maybe I've just been in denial! Thank you for your support! Sending you a (((HUG)))