I remember that vividly. The first coffee "date", we were telling you to not go down that road.
FWIW Wii, I think you're doing great considering how ill you have been. First the flu, now this. You do lead a busy life and, no doubt, you probably have little time to file for D. You would have to deliberately make time.
Do the kids ever wonder if you will come back (if the opportunity presents itself) given that you have not filed?
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
My Dad has been with his OW for 19 years.. he never divorced my stepmother.. and the OW never divorced her husband.. they are both officially separated from their marriages but never spent the money on officially divorcing their spouses.
Their lives have gone on.. now neither LBS has gone on but my Dad and his GF have.. and they seem to have a very strong and lasting relationship.
There are many people that remain in the separated stage until they meet someone, fall in love and want to get married.. then they wrap up everything by filing and getting the D in order to marry again.
Yep, I have people in my family who separated, didn't legally divorce, but went on in their lives. Friends too. They acted as if they were fully emotionally D. The M really was effectively over except for the piece of paper, *maybe*. People go this route out of disorganization, intertia, practicalities, religious worries, and so on...
But, none of these things seem to apply to Wii. He doesn't act like he is free to be single (regardless of whether he is dating or not). He doesn't act done. And it seems to be a matter of avoidance+denial rather than any of the other reasons.
Also, FWIW, it isn't totally clear to me that the people I know who went that route really were fully emotionally D. My family member and her husband got back together a couple of times, for instance. (They were separated for 35 years.) A friend who "just hadn't gotten around to it," leapt into bed with H years later, etc...
Not saying there is anything wrong with that. It worked OK for them. Not seeing it work for Wii...
Just trying to get Wii to see that he is at more of a standstill than he'll acknowledge, a standstill that keeps doors in his life closed.
I remember that vividly. The first coffee "date", we were telling you to not go down that road.
I remember lots of people were also saying I should go for it, coffee with the woman not an A. But I do remember OT was absolutely opposed to me spending time with CB and she was right! Might be right now too, I just don't see my life as the pathetic existence she paints it as. There are lots of things interconnected to the way we feel, I can't see so clearly that my issues all stem from not getting a D. Again, I could be wrong...like that's ever happened before! Being Me, you asked whether the kids ever wonder whether we'll ever get back together? I've asked whether they think that and they say no. I try to be very clear with them the difference between trying to maintain family versus the marriage.
OK, my brother and his fantasy life (minus W living with OP). I would ask him what he thinks the issue is rather than tell him what it is. I may even suggest that he hasn't moved on and see what he thinks. I would mention counselling to help him as a way to clarify the issues for himself. I would ask whether he is spending time with his ex because he hasn't given up or for other reasons. I would help him look at what is good in his life too. Yes, I would probably say "you don't seem that happy to me". That's it for now! I gotta go as my daughter is having Facebook withdrawls.
Wii, your life isn't pathetic but why leave that part unfinished? In the words of Nike: Just do it! When I hear or see that a woman is separated yet looking for a guy I visualize drama. Just get it over with and really look at those match making sites as a free man. OT maybe a bit direct but even I've subtly mentioned it before.
In the end it's your choice but I see a lot of dating/relationship potential in you.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
"I would ask him what he thinks the issue is rather than tell him what it is."
Really.
I see that you took this wishy watchy approach when he asked you about his own CB sitch. "What do you think that is all about? Will that be something you will enjoy?" NOT. I think you were a b it clearer and direct about your own insight, no?
Well OT, I think I will put an end to our discussion. I don't see how any further debate on this topic will be constructive. I think we're just antagonizing each other now. So let's move on.
